more productive than I thought....

Woke up late, my room gets NO sunlight, especially since I leave the blinds closed. Said a prayer in bed to get me past the dangerous dream- a dream of things I dare not hope for, being based on the choices of one other person, and God....and thus none of my business- and I was answered....Thank you! Talk to Kristy (roommate) call from Matt (friend from school) .

RUN! walk, stretch RUN! walk, stop,

Gaze at the reservoir, ponder on the power of pondering by a pond.

RUN

home, shower, cancel plans with Matt,
facebook,

clean the room...ai yai yai! (is that how you spell that?)
Before






After



nexr: cry for a little bit....heartbreak is so random, but it's timing is perfect.
more prayer, more answers :)

text from Uncle Tim :) "you're in town!? Do you eat?"

Look at the schedule...
pack
go
train.....argh.. I'm going to be late, but it's cool cuz it's for fun :)

50th street- call Uncle Tim...where are you? You can see me?? Walk which way? .... creepy...O THERE YOU ARE!!
Hugs, chats,

DINNER AT SAPPARO... delicious Japanese, I don't even remember what I ate, Pork Noodle thing... SO GOOD definitely Cleaned my plate

GREAT CONVERSATION... my experience in New York, how much I love Harlem, auditioning, the break up. "Why are you visiting New York?"- travel, client, PR work, all expenses paid (including this dinner ;);) ), advertising, market, audience- ad agencies that sign on to chat rooms/twitter/facebook and promote specific products POSED AS INDIVIDUALS......creepy? YES. Smart? YES.
Made me think twice about what I say on facebook/blog/in my bathroom (jk...sort of).

One of my favorite parts: explaining my most recent dillema (that I'm sort of excited about now). I have MANY skills that make me no money at this point. So... how can I fix that? It needs to be done but it takes planning. I need to organize it all so it makes sense. It's very complicated so I'll have to post about it another time, BUT, I finally sat with someone I trust and talked about the complications and got some positive feedback. It put me in a place that helped me to feel excited about the work that I can do on it :).

We talked about family (mom's arm, Kelly's wedding/ marriage life...bla bla) then he took me to an incredible sheet music store (the name escapes me) and I had to go to get to the temple but he stayed to get guitar music (as he does for EVERY business trip he he). He comes periodically to the city- I'll be seeing him again soon I'm sure. :)

The Temple was awesome... as always. I love thinking about the gift that is being given and received because it's the next step to Godliness and who knows how long they've been waiting. :)....I feel like my recent experiences have given me an understanding of just how POWERFUL the GIFT of the Holy Ghost is and how imperitive it is to having an amazing relationship with God.

Debated going to the folk are museum....no more saying next time or I won't do things!!! NO MORE. (it was probably closed but honestly just learning that about myself was worth the thought and extending resolution).

Home... cooking for tomorrow.

Bread for the neighbors (and to test the bread maker- last time we could all smell burning... :S). Rice, pack the lunch. Talk to Ingrid about rearranging the apartment (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)- we're planning for sunday to play around with it :)

Stayed up (too late!) blogging...

and impulsively cutting my hair...





:):S

Harlem Bell Tower

I was walking home from church today in good 'ol Harlem (I LOVE IT!!!!!!) and there was a bell tower in a nearby church that was playing hymns, and not just one, or chiming the time, but playing full arrangements of hymns. And as I got closer to that church in might walk there was a point where I noticed all of the cluttery noise of the city dimmed out, and people were quiet, and cars were distant and the music was so beautiful. I noticed how each bell has a dissonant overtone, which brings to mind all the dissonance in happy times that makes life truly gorgeous.

I listened to the hymns and was reminded of a talk I was reading recently by Elder Packer about music in the church and how sometimes trained and tenured musicians who are members get bored of the repetition of the same hymns all the time and they would like to see new modern works performed in sacrament meetings (a discussion meant for another post at another time). What struck me from the talk in this particular instance was that I found myself wishing that I'd had the repetition of the hymns being played by this amazing bell tower so I could enjoy the music, not just for it's sound waves, but also for the meaning that comes with the lyrics to an inspired hymn.

I'm so grateful for music in my life and the beauty and peace and Spirit of the Lord that hymns bring to my soul. I have a friend who knows very little about our doctrine, and from the few conversations we've had about our beliefs often is confused by how things tie together, simply because he hasn't learned all the things in between and how the specific and different things we do relate directly to the Savior. BUT when he hears the Mormon Tabernacle Choir I know (even if he does not recognize it yet) that he feels the spirit.

Music is so important to me in my life and I'm so grateful for it. I hope I can use the incredible talents and gifts that the Lord has blessed me with to further His work and do His will. As I walked home today I couldn't stop smiling, because I know the Lord sent me that tender mercy of the Harlem bells :)

The bells of harlem chapel, a tree full of loud sparrows, all the music of harlem. :)

Today...

Today was full of beautiful things. I got up, earlier than my body wanted, and gathered up my two large bags of laundry (somehow this chore escapes my attention. It's not that I don't like doing it, it's really easy, I just tend to put it off because of the bag lugging, which is sill because the longer you wait the more you lug). Down around the corner we have a laundramat. $2.50 wash, 25 cents every 7 minutes to dry-generally $2.00.
Then I jumped on the subway (still wan to call it the T like boston), and rode off to work (yay Ruby's!)
Here's a picture of my job in times square. This is a google pic, so there's a target ad above our door now, but you get the idea



Worked at Ruby's ALL DAY - made lots of monies
I'm still poor. :) It's part of the beauty

Then I went straight to the RS Broadcast. And on my way there I was noticing people on the train. I've been thinking a lot lately about beauty and what it means and what makes someone beautiful. And I was noticing people on the train and everyone was so beautiful! Every shape and size and smell (except the ones that STANK!... jk jk). Then after the broadcast I was looking around still at all the women/girls at the meeting and every single one had so much light in her eyes and we were all dressed nicely, but modestly (meaning not extravagantly). And I really couldn't look at anyone and think they were anything other than totally gorgeous. It was a nice feeling. I felt like I loved them all. :) I like that

The broadcast was so good too. I loved all the speakers. I was reading my notes later on the subway, and people were asking me about it. It helped me realize too that I need own my own choices...meaning, I do things to make other people happy, so sometimes I neglect myself. Anyway, it was interesting to have people ask and then see their reaction when I said I was reading my notes from a church meeting I'd just come from. One guy "wanted to know more" but only wanted to talk about it over coffee, not with the missionaries or at church, or even look it up online....wa wa... "I'm flattered sir but I don't meet up for coffee with random drunk men I met on the subway." I may sill call him but I'll probably take a "boyfriend" just in case.

All in all, a great day :). Glad to be alive !

Break through

today I made a breakthrough and though it may seem small it's a big deal to me and I want to write it down to look back upon and gain strength from.

I was upset.

I went to the kitchen (bad idea #1)

I climbed on the counter to open the "shared" cabinet.

I pulled out a very cute jar with all the dry ingredients to a batch of cookies.

I lit the oven.

I added the moist ingredients and mixed, adding salt and oatmeal.

Then I started eating (gross)

10 bites or so went by...

"this is my right as an upset woman!"

"I'm seriously going to regret this in dance class"

"I can have as much as I WANT!"

"That was sort of prideful"

"How would the Lord feel about this?"

...

...

chomp....

hm....

chomp........."this is disgusting"

"I know what I have to do"

I grabbed the 409

I sprayed the lump of evil disguised as deliciousness.

Then I spit on it,

Threw it in the trash,

and took the trash out to the street.





:)






I win.




.....I also threw out the rest of the sugar in the kitchen


... sorry roomies




...love you.

Scheduling...

So sometimes I get a little crazy with my schedule and I create a picture perfect ideal layout of ways that I can do absolutely everything possible in one day.It looks sort of like this:



Which is pretty do-able actually but the big "wa- wa" is that I make the schedule and then...don't look at it ever again :) he he. SO since I'm home sick today I'm going to check out some articles on ways to schedule things and I've already found some awesomeness online.

This one is my favorite so far. I think step 6 is the one that gets me. I leave personal time open and then I don't know what to do with it because I don't DECIDE what I'm going to do. I'd like to make a 'to do in New York' list and focus on that but...all in good time. I don't have to do that today.

This one's pretty awesome too. In most of these there are just a couple steps that I completely ignore that lead to my down fall. In this particular article it's step five- "Take charge and control of your schedule. Learn to be flexible. Your personal schedule is not the Ten Commandments. You should regard it as a tool that helps make your time more productive and efficient and your life more enjoyable."

Read more: How to Make a Personal Schedule | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_6049395_make-personal-schedule.html#ixzz0yZQ59c6N

There's this other one that is pretty intense but I can't copy and paste the link because it immediately downloads, BUT I like it in a lot of ways. It does a step by step of how to the most important things first and then so on and so forth.

I've noticed I get really stressed out when I realize that I won't be able to do everything that I want to do. For example, I'm taking a road trip with Tim to Indiana next week and I'm WAY excited (we still have to figure out some MAJOR details like...where we're gonna sleep) but when I think about all the planning and packing and then routine things I like to do like workout, scriptures, practicing etc. I get stressed. (5 breaths Val, you got this. It's just life, and dangit it's fun).

I also don't do well in a lifestyle that has NO consistency whatsoever- which is pretty much what defines my life right now. Sometimes life is just one big curve ball...wow.

from Chase...

I have a friend, his name's Chase. He's an amazing person who writes an amazing blog (it may be private so sorry if you can't access it). I was just reading his birthday post about his goals for the year. It always amazes me how attentive to detail he is. But it also made me think about goals and what they mean and something really big I've been struggling with for the last year or more.

I have a very firm testimony of the power of goals, as a source of motivation to accomplish the things in your life you most want to accomplish. I've seen goals completely change who I am and brought me closer to the woman I want to be. So why the frustration? For the last year or so, I've struggled to find focus and commitment in any goal. I'll decide that I want something and I'll truly WANT to have the patience and the commitment to live it out but somehow, in the process, I miss a day or "just this once" or something, and my obsession with perfection ruins the goal and I feel that I need to start all over. If I've messed it up this badly I should just wait until the next window of opportunity (say a Monday or the First of the Month) and decide it's ok to live in the old habit until I get a "fresh start". But that never yields progress, just an endless cycle of building, not the new desired habit, but the old comfortable one.

It seems like there was a time when I could change my behavior cold turkey, no exceptions. But maybe that 'seeming' isn't true. Maybe it always took me a while but I've selectively remembered only the happiness that came from the newly established habit, rather than the process that made the behavior habitual.

The other part that I know causes me problems, is that I have compartmentalized my life, quite well in fact: Theater, Music, Dance, Church, Work etc. And having gained such a great testimony of the power of goals, I naturally think 'wouldn't it be great if I could set a daily, weekly, and monthly goal in each compartment!? I'd grow so quickly and have purpose in everything I do.' There are a few problems with that 1- It's not realistic, there are too many goals to keep track of and 2- If I'm struggling with the focus and commitment I mentioned earlier, in that many areas, that's some MAJOR FAILURE I'm setting myself up for.

So for the last while I've been avoiding goals. Because it's a mess. Often when I sit down to try to set some goal I'm overwhelmed by the prospect of failure, and don't trust myself to choose something realistic. It's frustrating. But I DO want to start setting some goals. Goals to change my diet and exercise (always a rough one for us all), my social interaction ( I DON'T get out enough), my spending habits, my scripture study consistency, I'd like to read more, to cook more, get a bike, go on road trips, do FUN THINGS, TRAVEL! There are a million things that I want to do and change, but I don't know where to start.

I'm so inspired by people's stories, and I do recognize the amazing opportunities and blessings that I have in my life right now... but I'm wondering if anyone has thoughts on this particular matter, or if you've struggled with this sort of thing before, I could really use some thoughts and guidance.

But even just writing this out has helped me see what the problem is...first step to finding a solution :).

Ellen and her MISSION CALL! / being sick :S wa wa

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. Blogging really falls off my radar, especially when I'm trying to do everything at once. I have a tendency to do that.

I've been sick the last couple of days. Being sick is so consuming. I think the best part about it though has been seeing who jumps in and wants to be there for you. My trainer at work was so nice about giving me the days off. Tim has been especially accommodating of my moody-ness and needy-ness. Of course my family has been really loving too, helping me feel better when I call them about how "sad" my life has suddenly become (thanks Em for helping me count my blessings :) LOVE YOU!!). And I have to say my roommates were SO Christ-like and amazing. First Ingrid spent an hour and half scouring the internet for every get-better-remedy there was, Julie immediately ran to the store to find the ingredients for said remedies, Kristi gave me lovely hugs, Courtney keeps checking in and Erin (as always) just helped me to laugh and be ok. I am so loved, it's amazing!

O and in other news....

ELL GOT HER MISSION CALL!!!!!
She's going to ARGENTINA!!!!

We all got to watch her open her call on Wednesday night :). She'll be such an amazing missionary! I'm so excited for her to serve the Lord. Just after she opened her call, I watched everyone giving her hugs and congratulating her, and I just wished I could be there to hug her myself. To tell her how much I look up to her amazing and brave choice to leave her worldly ambitions behind to just do the exhausting and difficult work that the Lord would have her do.

I really am so proud of her. That's not an easy decision to make. I know whenever I've thought about making that choice for myself I get concerned about the things I'm doing with my career and school and money and all those temporal things that you worry about. But honestly, I know that the Lord takes care of his missionaries. The Savior even said ( I was going to paraphrase but this scripture in its entirety is great):

Matt. 6-
25- Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; not yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat ad the body more than raiment?
26- Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27-Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit to his stature?
28- And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not niether do they spin:
29-And Yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30-Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31-Therefore take no thought, saying , What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed
32- (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33- But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.


There are a lot of AMAZING things in this scripture (and I apologize for any typos that I may have missed). But what stands out to me today is that when you put God first, He takes care of you. And though that doesn't mean you'll always be in a mansion with five full baths and a master bedroom on the first floor....you WILL have the things that you need. And you WILL have enough to enjoy life. So much of happiness is choice based.

Anyway,
Proud of the sis. Look up to her a lot. Go get 'em Sister Larsen. They're waiting and prepared for YOU to bring the GOOD NEWS- Christ has called a Prophet to the earth :). yay!