I run around the city.
I don't "need" anyone,
I flirt with the bad guy at work
but that's just in good fun.
And when he's flirtin' back with me
our hands may barely touch
And then I'm in another place
that cuts me up so much
and there's your hand
holdin mine
and I can't breathe in deep
your kiss there on my palm
makes me will the car to stop
just to throw my arms around you
And then I remember
I walk back home at midnight
I message a good friend
Tell him, if it weren't for distance, we might be more
And before he even writes back
I'm thinking of that day
And wishin I could tell you
that there's nothing in the way
And we drive for miles,
just talking about music
and nothing big between us
but our bodies and the sky
and if I think real hard
and let it get real quiet
...
...
I can hear your laugh
and my chest breaks in half
Because I remember
Every night I pray that things will change,
and solvance come to light
with you and I right there
and all the moments turn from black to white
and playing songs
and chasing dreams
and laughing at the stupid things
and never ever fighting you
and friends for miles
our families too
windows
doors
a bike
a car
a small garage
a christmas star
and birthday candles on a plate
and all the food we ever ate
and time collides and spins around
I have to shove it in the ground
it's grown a vine around my heart
and just before the blossoms start
I cut them off
CUT THEM OFF!
They're not allowed
they're dangerous
is it better to bleed a little bit by bit
than uproot the organ after it
has infiltrated all that's grown
tomorrow it will start again
I'll handle it a little better then
and better after that I'm sure
and more and more and more and more
til finally I will not bleed,
but now, because I feel the need...
"I miss you,
I love you,
I want it all back,
I know I know
be well"
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Dear Husband...
I was watching The Prince of Egypt today. I love that movie. And two scenes touched my heart so much. First, Moses' vision of the burning bush. I love the rendition in this movie because the way God is portrayed is that of a being of power and authority, and then He finishes His message to Moses with great love and it looks like Moses is being engulfed in that love all around him. It's a visual component in the movie that represents the way it feels to have the Lord's arms around you. If you've never had that feeling I'm telling you, it's the best feeling you will ever feel. It's like a hug from your mom after not seeing her for months and months that starts in your heart and radiates through every part of you. And all you feel is joy. Some people cry when they feel it (usually girls and always me). And then you know it's real. You know God is REAL, because you feel it. If you seek that feeling, it'll come, I promise. You have to believe it will, and then it will.
The Second scene that got me is right after the first. Moses runs to his wife, full of excitement for the things he's just experienced. He tells her everything that's just happened. And it made me think of what that means to have a spouse, a life partner, a best friend... who knows. Who has felt those things, who wants to know and seeks to know God. That being of light. The source of goodness. The source of Joy. The portrayal of Moses' excitement reminded me of something I've always wanted to do but wondered if I would look back at it and think it was dumb. But I feel really inspired about it so I'm gonna go ahead.
Dear Husband,
Wherever you are today I hope you're well. If I have met you- what are you waiting for? If not, I'm looking forward to it. I want to have a good relationship, a real one where we talk about everything and work to find the happy mediums without compromising what we know is right. I want to give you all of myself, and feel like you're giving me all of yourself back. I want to be part of your relationship with God, and I want you to be part of mine. I want to have children with you and parent them equally. I want each of us to be individuals, and to find our ways in the world, and still stand side by side. I want to know that you are mine forever, and that no matter what happens we'll be together for eternity. I want to kneel accross the temple altar with you and make our great promise. I want to laugh with you, a lot, more than I do now. I want to know your family and have you know mine. I want to grow old with you and make fun of each others frailties, keeping in mind that we won't always have broken bodies. I want to pray with you morning and night, study the Lord's word with you, stand with you as a Father and Mother in Israel, teaching our children the beautiful things that have made our lives so happy. I love you. I miss you. I know you're special. Not too soon, not too late, it'll be just right. It won't be perfect, but I know we're gonna have a lot of fun. Until then, be wise, walk your path with strength, diligence, humility and a willingness to grow. Everything you need to know will be given to you little by little. Be patient with yourself. See you soon!
Love,
your wife,
Val
The Second scene that got me is right after the first. Moses runs to his wife, full of excitement for the things he's just experienced. He tells her everything that's just happened. And it made me think of what that means to have a spouse, a life partner, a best friend... who knows. Who has felt those things, who wants to know and seeks to know God. That being of light. The source of goodness. The source of Joy. The portrayal of Moses' excitement reminded me of something I've always wanted to do but wondered if I would look back at it and think it was dumb. But I feel really inspired about it so I'm gonna go ahead.
Dear Husband,
Wherever you are today I hope you're well. If I have met you- what are you waiting for? If not, I'm looking forward to it. I want to have a good relationship, a real one where we talk about everything and work to find the happy mediums without compromising what we know is right. I want to give you all of myself, and feel like you're giving me all of yourself back. I want to be part of your relationship with God, and I want you to be part of mine. I want to have children with you and parent them equally. I want each of us to be individuals, and to find our ways in the world, and still stand side by side. I want to know that you are mine forever, and that no matter what happens we'll be together for eternity. I want to kneel accross the temple altar with you and make our great promise. I want to laugh with you, a lot, more than I do now. I want to know your family and have you know mine. I want to grow old with you and make fun of each others frailties, keeping in mind that we won't always have broken bodies. I want to pray with you morning and night, study the Lord's word with you, stand with you as a Father and Mother in Israel, teaching our children the beautiful things that have made our lives so happy. I love you. I miss you. I know you're special. Not too soon, not too late, it'll be just right. It won't be perfect, but I know we're gonna have a lot of fun. Until then, be wise, walk your path with strength, diligence, humility and a willingness to grow. Everything you need to know will be given to you little by little. Be patient with yourself. See you soon!
Love,
your wife,
Val
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas Cabaret... I love the Church
Last night was my first performance in NEW YORK!! AH! Crazy. We had our Christmas Cabaret, it went really well and was really fun. I learned a lot of things from it. 1st that organization is SO IMPORTANT when you're making your own show (or when you're doing anything for that matter). 2nd, to trust myself onstage - I am entertaining... ha. That's sounds funny. 3rd- Meet everyone you can and have a great time doing it. 4th- AND MOST IMPORTANTLY- MARKETING IS KEY! We really didn't even fill up half the house... WHAT?! We had an awesome show and no one came. Why?? Here are some reasons I think we didn't fill it up and ways that we could avoid that problem in the future.
1- More than facebook. - taylor your marketing materials to a specific demographic and post them where that demographic will see them.
2- Images and marketing materials - rather than functioning on a "come because you're my friend" basis, focus marketing materials in a way that those who see those materials will A) want to be your friend and B) want to see your show regardless of whether they're your friend or not.
3-Lower cover charge cutting Production costs - We paid a director who did an AMAZING job. But if we could find someone with a lower rate, or direct it ourselves the cover charge would be more affordable for our audience, ensuring higher attendance. We could also try to find a cheaper venue that didn't require a drink minimum or 21 and up restrictions (rough in this town but maybe with some research...).
4- It was a Wednesday at 7. Nice that it was early, but not very many people could come and a weekend is better.
5- Confidence and Enthusiasm for a) your venue and b) YOUR SHOW!!! There's a big difference between "hey I'm in a show it's like got me in it. It's not a big deal. It's like a lot of money to get in and you have to buy drinks. Ya I know, that's ok if you can't make it. I'll be in other things later," and "Hey guess what I'm in a show. I'm really excited for it, I've totally enjoyed putting it together. It's a $15 cover and a 2 drink minimum at an amazing venue called the AWESOME. I'd really love it if you would come. Here's a postcard with a link to our "sneak peak". So-and-so said they were going.... blah blah blah... amazing....fun...woo hoo!" If you're not excited about it why should they be?
6- GO TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SHOWS!! - This one could be the biggest of all. This is the one that I require the most improvement in, which is exciting because that means I'll be going to see more awesomeness. When you support someone and invest in their work, they are much more likely to invest in yours.
I've been a little "rusty" on the spiritual side lately. The last few days I've been running around and not really had a second to sit and read my scriptures the way I like to and not praying as often as I usually do. But today I got up and read and prayed. I opened up my conference Ensign Magezine and as soon as I started reading I immediately felt like a large weight was lifted off my chest, and like a light had been lit in my heart. And I recognized that feeling of peace and love and light and I thought "I LOVE the Church. I LOVE the gospel. I wouldn't give up feeling this feeling daily for ANYTHING." It feels so good!!
Then as I went running with my roommate Kristy, I felt it again, and I recognized the Spirit that she carries with her. I've been spending the last couple days with amazing people, people I love who have helped me through so many tough times, but the environments we were in didn't have the spirit, and some of the people we were around didn't have the Spirit. But Kristy has the spirit. Ideas of ways I could change for the better started to come more clearly to my head. I also had a lot more belief in myself that I could accomplish them. It also felt great to run, I actually think exercise and care for our bodies does amazing things for our Spirits and our Spirituality, not to mention how beautiful nature does the same and we were running in the one and only Central Park.
I thought again as we were running "I love being with people who have the Spirit, who have light. I LOVE the Church, I LOVE the Gospel. I freakin' LOVE being a Mormon!!! I love the feeling I feel when I read Conference, or the Book of Mormon, Or the Bible, or the Doctrine and Covenants. Or when I pray and get an answer. Or seeing my family do the same. EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT. EVERYONE I KNOW DESERVES TO BE THIS HAPPY."
So to everybody out there- I recommend highly the following:
Praying everyday about lots of things,
Reading the Scriptures and finding out for yourself if they're true by praying about them: the Bible, The BOOK OF MORMON (I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!), the Doctrine and Covenants.
Exercising regularly and eating good things :)
Sharing what you love with other people
Getting to knew Jesus yourself, and not just what everyone else says about Him.
I PROMISE, doing just one of these in addition to whatever else you do will boost your happiness. ESPECIALLY if you BELIEVE it will. Lots of love and all the BEST life has to offer
-Val
1- More than facebook. - taylor your marketing materials to a specific demographic and post them where that demographic will see them.
2- Images and marketing materials - rather than functioning on a "come because you're my friend" basis, focus marketing materials in a way that those who see those materials will A) want to be your friend and B) want to see your show regardless of whether they're your friend or not.
3-Lower cover charge cutting Production costs - We paid a director who did an AMAZING job. But if we could find someone with a lower rate, or direct it ourselves the cover charge would be more affordable for our audience, ensuring higher attendance. We could also try to find a cheaper venue that didn't require a drink minimum or 21 and up restrictions (rough in this town but maybe with some research...).
4- It was a Wednesday at 7. Nice that it was early, but not very many people could come and a weekend is better.
5- Confidence and Enthusiasm for a) your venue and b) YOUR SHOW!!! There's a big difference between "hey I'm in a show it's like got me in it. It's not a big deal. It's like a lot of money to get in and you have to buy drinks. Ya I know, that's ok if you can't make it. I'll be in other things later," and "Hey guess what I'm in a show. I'm really excited for it, I've totally enjoyed putting it together. It's a $15 cover and a 2 drink minimum at an amazing venue called the AWESOME. I'd really love it if you would come. Here's a postcard with a link to our "sneak peak". So-and-so said they were going.... blah blah blah... amazing....fun...woo hoo!" If you're not excited about it why should they be?
6- GO TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SHOWS!! - This one could be the biggest of all. This is the one that I require the most improvement in, which is exciting because that means I'll be going to see more awesomeness. When you support someone and invest in their work, they are much more likely to invest in yours.
I've been a little "rusty" on the spiritual side lately. The last few days I've been running around and not really had a second to sit and read my scriptures the way I like to and not praying as often as I usually do. But today I got up and read and prayed. I opened up my conference Ensign Magezine and as soon as I started reading I immediately felt like a large weight was lifted off my chest, and like a light had been lit in my heart. And I recognized that feeling of peace and love and light and I thought "I LOVE the Church. I LOVE the gospel. I wouldn't give up feeling this feeling daily for ANYTHING." It feels so good!!
Then as I went running with my roommate Kristy, I felt it again, and I recognized the Spirit that she carries with her. I've been spending the last couple days with amazing people, people I love who have helped me through so many tough times, but the environments we were in didn't have the spirit, and some of the people we were around didn't have the Spirit. But Kristy has the spirit. Ideas of ways I could change for the better started to come more clearly to my head. I also had a lot more belief in myself that I could accomplish them. It also felt great to run, I actually think exercise and care for our bodies does amazing things for our Spirits and our Spirituality, not to mention how beautiful nature does the same and we were running in the one and only Central Park.
I thought again as we were running "I love being with people who have the Spirit, who have light. I LOVE the Church, I LOVE the Gospel. I freakin' LOVE being a Mormon!!! I love the feeling I feel when I read Conference, or the Book of Mormon, Or the Bible, or the Doctrine and Covenants. Or when I pray and get an answer. Or seeing my family do the same. EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT. EVERYONE I KNOW DESERVES TO BE THIS HAPPY."
So to everybody out there- I recommend highly the following:
Praying everyday about lots of things,
Reading the Scriptures and finding out for yourself if they're true by praying about them: the Bible, The BOOK OF MORMON (I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!), the Doctrine and Covenants.
Exercising regularly and eating good things :)
Sharing what you love with other people
Getting to knew Jesus yourself, and not just what everyone else says about Him.
I PROMISE, doing just one of these in addition to whatever else you do will boost your happiness. ESPECIALLY if you BELIEVE it will. Lots of love and all the BEST life has to offer
-Val
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)