Louisa May Alcott

Today was lovely.
I went to Boston last night for an audition at speakeasy for 'The Drowsy Chaperone'. Hopefully I'll get it and I can be back in that beautiful city for a few months. I love it there. I got all happy inside on the bus ride in. The audition was good. I felt like I rocked it to the best of my ability. Next time I want to be more prepared with the sides that I'm sent in advance. It was kind of a last minute thing that I had work off to go so, I didn't invest time in the sides early. But it was fun. There were a lot of BOCO kids there. It was funny to see them all. Show biz is competitive, but everyone loves each other all the same. It was good to see Paul. I was surprised at how grateful he was that I was there. When I first met him it was me being late to class.... :S not a great first impression. But we've been on good terms since then. I wonder if he remembers that.

Anywho, the audition was loads of fun and I felt good about it. It also rocked to see the one and only Nick Connell. I need to call him to help me put together a stellar NY Christmas tree- trimming party, similar to last year when I spent a long while making a really killer star out of pretzels and gold ribbon. GOOD TIMES.

Then I walked through Boston. I could have taken the train. But I knew exactly where I was and how to get where I was going and I wanted to see everything in between. I walked down Huntington St., through the Christian Science Center (if I were more thorough in my Blogging I would provide links but I'm sure you'll get over it, and you can always google what you care about :) ). I walked past the Bookstore and I have to say I nearly teared up. I love that place. Good friends, such good friends from that store (Shannon says she's coming to town this weekend!!!). They also had up a KILLA Christmas display that I definitely will be texting Frank about tomorrow morning. So impressed. Past the school, the fens, down the ramp to Com Ave, up a couple streets and into Katie's new home (she doesn't live with me anymore...crazy). We stayed up til 3. Talking. About everything. We haven't really REALLY talked in several months. I love her

Then when we woke up today she made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon drops in them (like a chocolate chip but cinnamon = amazing). We took the train to Harvard square and puttered around Anthropology while we waited for Linsey to pick us up. I LOVE anthropology. It makes me want to be crafty... and a mom. I want to be crafty with my kids, like have a room for it, with several drawers of glitter and buttons. We each bought this little book called "I like you" it's so cute. If I were more patient I would type out all the words and send it to everyone who reads this blog as a special Thanksgiving gift. At first I thought I would save this little treasure for my husband and give it to him and some special point in our relationship, but then I decided that the words apply to any real, good relationship and it would be sad to limit all the goodness it has to offer to one relationship that hasn't begun (as far as I know :S).

Linsey got there and we drove to Louisa May Alcott's house. It was so special. She wrote Little Women. In that house. I was so touched by everything. We got up to May's room (Amy in the book). And her wallpaper was blue, that was her favorite color. She had painted on the walls. And there was a bright strip of blue the color of painter's tape around the ceiling. And what touched me about this strip of blue was that her sisters had painted it in her room as a birthday present one year because that was her favorite color. I started crying. I want that. I want to give someone a gift that's personal. Something that they could only get from someone that really knows them. There were a lot of things about the house that made me really happy. The simplicity of their lives then. I felt like my life was a big mess of things compared to theirs. It also made me miss my family like mad. I'm so excited to see them. There is no greater feeling than having all of us under one roof. That is heaven. I'm so glad I know that families can be together forever, SO GLAD. So Grateful ;).

I bought a souvenir from the gift shop. I copy of Mr. Alcott's Schedule for the girls. It's so excellent:

Morning
5- Rise, Bathe, Dress
6- Breakfast
7-Housewifery Recreations (chores) in care of Miss Foord

Forenoon
9-Studies with Mr. Lane
10 1/2 - Recreations
11- Studies with Father

Noon
12- Dinner
(apparently the term 'lunch' is a bit more modern than I thought)

Afternoon
1- Rest (nice eh?)
2- Sewing, Conversation and Reading with Miss Foord and Mother
4- Errands (chores) and Recreations

Evening
6- Supper, Recreation, Conversation, Music
8-
8 1/2- Bed

Virtues-
Vigilence, Punctuality, Perseverance, Prompt, Cheerful, Unquestioning, Obedience, Government of Temper, Hands, and Tongue, Gentle Manners, Motions, and Words. Work, Studies and Play distinct. No interchange of Labors (can't switch chores with someone)


Doesn't that sound quaint! I'm hanging it on my wall to remind myself of this day, the things that matter, and not to get too wrapped up in making a schedule that's so crazy.

We drove back and Kates and I stopped in the BU bookstore real quick to look at a book she's interested in. And consequently I found a book I'm interested in... really interested in actually. It's called 'A Year of Living the Bible as Literally as Possible'. It sounds fascinating and a couple of the pages I read WERE just that. I can't afford to buy it right now so Mom, here's a shameless Christmas Gift plug!

I slept on the bus ride back to NY, but I must say in the intermittent moments when I was awake, all I could think about were all the nice things that I wanted to do for people. I want to send everyone a Christmas Card that I made from scratch that has at least 3 inside jokes in it, forgive everyone, call and catch up... stuff like that :). I also have decided that this year I'm decorating my apartment for Christmas. I've never even had a baby tree because I always went home for a month during Christmas break. But this year I'll be spending a lot of Holiday Time in New York, so it's only right that I have a tree and some lights. I'd love a little nativity as well :). Maybe I'll make one out of something since I'm feeling crafty.

Today was amazing. God is so good. I'm so happy. Life is good. and yes, there are things I want that I don't have now, and that I'll never be able to have. But He keeps promising me that if I keep working hard, and doing my best I'll have all I need and even better :). And He hasn't lied to me yet so... I look forward to life. I also love all of you who commented on my last post. I could be cynical, but I won't so just... thanks for loving me and letting me know that you do.

xo
Val

a letter

No one reads this anymore, so I figure I can write whatever I want without worrying about being liked (yes, it's true, I worry about being liked = dumb)

a letter to a friend on a cruise line:
Hello??
Are you alive?
This whole blog thing isn't really your forte is it?

But seriously how are you? Adjusting to paradise? Lots of rehearsals? Free food? Did you get a bike? Are you making friends? Are you glad you bought those shoes? Do you miss your family? I've been emailing Degan...he's awesome. I also got a lovely post from David on Facebook that I'm not sure how to respond to.... (awkward smile).
I had an audition this week too. Broadway version of Catch Me If You Can- I also had a callback, that I rocked, but I haven't heard anything (bad sign? it's been over 24 hours...no se). Work is good. My room is messy. I've been getting to some dance classes too. So what's the show like that you're doing? Are you taking lots of pictures :):):). Your key board says hi. I'm gonna name it... is it male or female? I'm thinking male- thoughts? Or you could go half and half and call it Taylor... or something. You'll also be happy to know that I have made a firm commitment to never treat your keyboard like a shelf (except for sheet music that I'm playing right then). I'm very proud of this decision and my ability so far to keep to that commitment. It's a clear sign to me that I will be able excel in other areas of my life that I'd like to be more self disciplined about (namely, eating healthy, regularly working out, brushing and flossing my teeth.....I'm realizing there are more than seems reasonable so I'll stop naming them now). I saw that you posted something on facebook and I MISSED YOU BY NINE MINUTES ... so disappointed in my own tardiness. I got a text from Marty too. I haven't responded yet but I think we're gonna get together for some laughs and hopefully some awesome tunes. Don't forget to send me all that stuff (charts... I swear there was something else I'll think of it and bombard your inbox :D ). I haven't talked to Javier for AGES and I'm still hoping to get his help on a website. But what I've been thinking about a lot lately is that when I expect to do something with someone elses help, it doesn't happen. So...I may just buy a book on design and coding and do it myself. Not that other people aren't willing to help I'm just not willing to bug them about it enough to make it happen. I just don't like bugging people. I'm installing Gchat video. (I remembered!! I need Jesse's number so I can give him his book). I've been writing some too. I like it. I need to create things. O! Paul Daighneault also invited me to audition for something, so I may be in Boston next week. I'm working a double on Thanksgiving, which is slightly lame but good that I'll be able to pay rent for December. The ward out here is nice........I don't really know anyone yet. I don't see them except for that one day and then an hour at FHE, which I love, but it's not enough time to really meet people. My bishop is so awesome though. I had a meeting with him just to chat...he's better for me than my last bishop. My last bishop was an awesome amazing man and we are very dear friends still, but he did NOT understand me, and I probably didn't understand him very well either, even though I secretly think I've got him figured out. I also decided to get a new counselor, a mormon this time...not that that matters really, but it would be nice if I could talk to someone about my relationship with God and whether or not I'm being obsessive.........you talked to me a lot about that .... do you think I'm obsessive in that area. My guess is that you'd say yes... but I don't know. Degan and I discussed your absence, I loved what he said:

I miss Tim, he is a swell guy to have around. I guess
it really was quite selfish of us, as land dwellers, to reserve him
for ourselves on just 29% of the world's surface area. Think of how
the other 71% must feel!

I'm hoping he'll come see me in my cabaret on Dec. 8th (it's gonna be awesome!) so we can take a whole day and just talk (insert fall montage of the sun rising and setting behind a picturesque tableau of Degan and I on a park bench...philosophizing). I'm sure a whole day will not be available (unless I request it off ... hm) but it would be nice. I think that's what heaven will be like for me (or at least part of it), just endless conversations with someone who's amazing to talk to. I'm trying to think if there's anything else to write you or ask you. .... hm... nope. Not for now.

unedited

I reach my arms high
my crinkled limbs filling with energy and being stretched to full capacity
like a spider's leg zoomed in, slow motion

I drop my torso to the floor
the weight of my head
my hamstrings wince as I renew the flexibility that lives
in a body that once stretched beyond its current capacity

I look forward in the mirror
I look sideways in the mirror
there's is more of me than there once was
and I'm not upset
I'm beautiful
I accept the process ahead

the speed increases
I feel that familiar warmth
the warmth of a beat
of a verse
a chorus
a verse
a chorus
an arm to swing
a beat to hit
a line to stretch
the raspy feeling in my esophagus that reminds me of the joy it is to breathe quickly
and to sweat out the past and clean your insides

And always back to the music
music
music
music
music!!!!
HOW CAN I FEEL SO MUCH!?

It's amazing.
What is it?
Why is it that way?
Why do our hearts beat together when we hear a note?
Why do I love the dissonance of a suspension SO MUCH!
Or why is vocal rest so hard?
What makes me sing?
I know I always come back to God, but it's the biggest thing I can use to relate the physical, spiritual experience of music to.
It just testifies to me that we are MORE than we think
I am more than I think
and I touch that, when I listen,
when I sing
when I play
when I move
when I CREATE!!

Is that it?
Is it the creation?
Is that why art means so much to us?
To see the work of our own hands.

We are creators.
I am a creator.
I make things
I light fires,
I inspire tears,
feelings,
numbness,
I thank all the powers
and light
and energy
and universal love
goodness
pleasure

for that.

For the will
the inspiration
the tools
the ability
and the opportunity
to create.

I'm writing a song about you that I started a long time ago. Someday I'll be able to sing it with out crying :)

Gratitude ...

I'm listening to the Gratitude Talk by President Monson from the October Conference 2010. And i think about the feelings I have of the Savior, or the feelings I've had in the past. I wonder about one feeling, the feeling of His POWER- His power to teach. Sometimes when i read of His sermons to his disciples He sounds a little harsh, not so gentle as He is often described. And I wonder about the kindness in His behavior. HOW kind? HOW loving? Who can I compare Him to in my daily life??

And then experiences are brought to my mind, and I am reminded through these thoughts: Remember the healing of your heart. Remember his presence at your bedside. How He wiped your tears. how He held you and lifted the otherwise inescapable weight from your chest. The PEOPLE He's sent to you, the opportunities you've been given. THAT IS HIM, THAT IS HIS DOING.

And so I've learned, that through the scriptures we learn of and about Him, but it is in our hearts and our interaction with Him that we truly know Him. Just as any friend we meet in this life. We may know of them and about them by reading their facebook status, or hearing about their life from a mutual friend. But we truly come to know them when we spend time with them and feel of each other's love :). I'm so grateful to have had the experiences in my life that allow me to truly KNOW who He is, and the joy that I can feel as a result of that knowledge.