Break through

today I made a breakthrough and though it may seem small it's a big deal to me and I want to write it down to look back upon and gain strength from.

I was upset.

I went to the kitchen (bad idea #1)

I climbed on the counter to open the "shared" cabinet.

I pulled out a very cute jar with all the dry ingredients to a batch of cookies.

I lit the oven.

I added the moist ingredients and mixed, adding salt and oatmeal.

Then I started eating (gross)

10 bites or so went by...

"this is my right as an upset woman!"

"I'm seriously going to regret this in dance class"

"I can have as much as I WANT!"

"That was sort of prideful"

"How would the Lord feel about this?"

...

...

chomp....

hm....

chomp........."this is disgusting"

"I know what I have to do"

I grabbed the 409

I sprayed the lump of evil disguised as deliciousness.

Then I spit on it,

Threw it in the trash,

and took the trash out to the street.





:)






I win.




.....I also threw out the rest of the sugar in the kitchen


... sorry roomies




...love you.

not vegan, not vegetarian, NOT RAW...

So I've recently been trying out several different diets as you can see by the post title, and I've officially decided today that I do not want to be vegan, I do not want to be vegetarian, and I do not want to be Raw. I think all of these diets are good things for the right people, and I support animal rights, but my gassy stomach says "this is unbalanced- you need balance". So without blaming vegan, vegetarian or rawness for my unbalance I fondly bid all of them farewell (for now). Maybe later my body will like them better.

I'm going shopping right NOW.

and I"m getting some cooked bread, real cheese, some tuna, and a cake mix. Ta ta!

Jumpin'

My head has been buzzing lately. I have so many songs, plays, plots, notes, words shooting through my head and running out my mouth into my ipod recording piece. Instant record right there. Technology is amazing. I've been writing by hand too. I'm overflowing with...matter, substance, structure, thoughts, feelings. I don't have time to do all I want to do. I was listening to Free Fallin' before I went running, and the music was so filling that I couldn't stand still anymore. I ran faster for longer than I've ever run. There's an artist inside me that wants out. She deserves it. She's been waiting for a long time. Sitting patiently by the door, asking for a few minutes outside. A few minutes to run without timing, smell the ground the air the grass, stare into the sun and feel it's light on her skin. She's twitching for it. Why am keeping her in. What am i afraid of? She'll get dirty? She'll get rejected? The sun won't shine? Her prince won't come? Her God won't fill her mouth? Perhaps all of them. Yes. All of them. *sigh* so what then. How does that magic door open? Perhaps its just a matter of me giving my permission. My permission to fall, to get rejected, to die. Do I need to be "ready"? Or is not being ready the whole point? .......Those questions are fear. That's what they are. That's it. I'm doing it. I'm opening that door. No more excuses, I'm going to get messy. I don't know how but I'll do it. I'm going to screw up. But the atonement's there. I can't be everything I could be, until I decide to risk changing what I am. Tootle-oo coward club.
I'm jumpin.

So EMBARRASSING!!!!

I just had the most amazing laugh attack!! SO I was sitting with my good friend Rob in the hallway and we were just chatting about nothing.  And by the by he ended up doing a great impersonation of a squirrel (don't ask) and we started laughing. I totally full on FARTed, right in front of my good friend Rob...HOW EMBARASSING! Right? Isn't that like the most embarassing thing you could do? Well, it was pretty embarrassing but LUCKILY me and (my good friend) Rob are close enough that it was not a hinderance to our friendship but rather one of the greatest bouts of laughter I've had in a looonnng time.  In fact I'm still laughing about it ... inside....still. 

So the POINT is that, every embarrassing moment can be A) really embarrassing or B) REALLY funny.  I choose funny.  Have you ever had an embarrassing moment be wonderful? Comment on my blog- I LOVE comments. Really. 

And Rob- you can just shut up.