Jumpin'

My head has been buzzing lately. I have so many songs, plays, plots, notes, words shooting through my head and running out my mouth into my ipod recording piece. Instant record right there. Technology is amazing. I've been writing by hand too. I'm overflowing with...matter, substance, structure, thoughts, feelings. I don't have time to do all I want to do. I was listening to Free Fallin' before I went running, and the music was so filling that I couldn't stand still anymore. I ran faster for longer than I've ever run. There's an artist inside me that wants out. She deserves it. She's been waiting for a long time. Sitting patiently by the door, asking for a few minutes outside. A few minutes to run without timing, smell the ground the air the grass, stare into the sun and feel it's light on her skin. She's twitching for it. Why am keeping her in. What am i afraid of? She'll get dirty? She'll get rejected? The sun won't shine? Her prince won't come? Her God won't fill her mouth? Perhaps all of them. Yes. All of them. *sigh* so what then. How does that magic door open? Perhaps its just a matter of me giving my permission. My permission to fall, to get rejected, to die. Do I need to be "ready"? Or is not being ready the whole point? .......Those questions are fear. That's what they are. That's it. I'm doing it. I'm opening that door. No more excuses, I'm going to get messy. I don't know how but I'll do it. I'm going to screw up. But the atonement's there. I can't be everything I could be, until I decide to risk changing what I am. Tootle-oo coward club.
I'm jumpin.