Have you ever had one of those acquaintances/dates/friendships/relationships where you knew a lot or everything about the other person but they knew slim to none about you? I feel like I experience this often and I'm just wondering... how do I stop this from happening? Is it MY fault that they've never asked or made the effort to remember? Maybe I'm not speaking up enough? I'm usually of the opinion that no one wants to be talked at, so I kind of wait for the other person to ask about me or bring something up about myself before I interject with my #1 most hilarious story, passionate political opinion, or latest advice on their love life. Am I doing this right? Maybe I should put myself out there a little more...thoughts?
And for all you who find yourself in the opposite position, how do you feel about not knowing or remembering anything about your acquaintance/date/friend/significant other/family member? Don't you feel like you're kind of missing something from those people? Or are you completely satisfied with your all confessing, only guessing knowledge of those you're close to ( or should I say "close" to)? I'm hungry for answers...how does this relationship give and take function best?
Thank you all for your input
3 comments:
Good question. And you're not alone in this, but I find that relationships (and the getting to know you portion) and conversations are a give-and-take situation. Whenever someone is in a conversation where one person is talking 98%, hmmm, not always a good thing. The better balance seems to be a give-and-take, talk, listen, share, listen, laugh, ponder, etc., repeat. That could make it more like a 60/40 or 55/45 or 50/50. There's no exact rule but like most things, it's a feeling.
Somewhere on my blog, I've talked about keeping the spotlight more on the other person. Getting them to talk about themselves. Of course, it's natural to share about yourself, too. And if they're not interested, then that's telling. (Check Column A, Column B on my blog. It helps me understand people more quickly.)
Lastly, I'm always a bit cautious about opening up first with others. I like people, but I want to ensure that when I share, they don't trash it. Guess I have a problem with trashy folk. (Must've been something in my childhood, huh?)
Let me know what you think about those things and let's talk more.
I've totally thought about this in the last couple days! and yes i think it is a common feeling and i've totally felt that way lately. I always want those people to know me well, but to a certain extent i want them to ask, - part of that not being trashed thing i guess - not that theres these magic specific questions, just that the other person is trying to find out something or to just know you better. Sometimes i just don't get why people don't do that because its one of my favorite htings to do
I heart you
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