Word(s)

2 Tim. 1:7

2011-11-29T21:21:00.000-08:00

As I sat in the car on my ride home from rehearsal I listened to the dating exploits. How fickle is the heart and how stalwart is the mind. Can they never agree on a prospective mate, and when they do the mate is fickle too. So much to line up just so so that two can start a journey full of rocks and water and earth and fire.... it's a wonder that we find someone to be with at all.

I fear...
and I know I shouldn't
but..
'are you dating anyone Val?'
'no'

why?
why not?
I'm trying not to be discouraged
but I know of a group
that spend their life alone..
please God
not me please

I know why not
I expect a lot
I deserve a lot
It's just not yet.
I have a romantic story to look forward to
that's all

I don't know whose lyrics these are but they're doing be some good this evening
thanks EFY :)

Purple skies
Hazel eyes
fireflies
new horizons

In the spring
grey turns green
hope once dead is
brought to life
shady tree
shoes in hand
with my bare feet
in the sand

Spanish pros
skipping stones
the dusty road
that takes me home

People have told me how to be happy
but I find their remedies empty
these are my pearls
God's treasure's unfurled
mean more to this girl
more than the world to me

Photographs from the past
Summer nap time in the grass
Constellations in the sky
the northern lights will make you cry

People have told me how to be happy
but I find their remedies empty
these are my pearls
God's treasure's unfurled
mean more to this girl
more than the world to me

Grant me twenty thousand wishes
cover me with lavish things but
I believe in loaves and fishes
miracles and mustard seeds

People have told me how to be happy
but I find their remedies empty
these are my pearls
God's treasure's unfurled
mean more to this girl
more than the world to me

Dear Husand...

2011-09-14T21:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Husband,
I'm starting to realize that I've been focusing on the wrong things. I've been putting people last and career/work/money first. yuck. I hope I don't do that to you some day but inevitably humans mess up so its likely. I guess you could say this is an advanced apology. I love you. really. I want you to come into my life and be someone to do things with. But I need to start practicing that before you get here. That way I won't be so lonely in the meantime. Follow your dreams, and stay close to the Lord. See you soon(er than later I hope). All the best- and truly the best of the best
Val

vlog number... ?

2011-08-29T14:28:00.001-07:00

It's me and my bad self
Yet again
pray for me

Hey Hey Hey

2011-08-22T22:41:00.001-07:00

Catchin up some more :)

2011-08-09T10:23:00.001-07:00

VLog from the past- catchin' up

2011-08-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

Don't judge my outfit

I'm BACK!

2011-06-12T22:57:00.001-07:00

That's a lot of milk...

2011-05-25T20:21:00.000-07:00

May I draw your attention to the FULL ON Britney mic he is giving us. May I also draw your attention to the fact that there are 4 of us and we are less than five feet away. Thank you Billings farm for your amazing character study opportunities.

I wish I knew the future you

2011-03-25T22:00:00.000-07:00

little lips,
tiny hands,
all the makings of hu-man
all the things we will not share
a generation splits a pair

And when I'm old I'll see the past
I'll tell you you should make it last
and wonder how I'd handle life
had I been born your birthday night

I wish I knew the future you
that has a goal like me
that struggles with the things I do
I wish I knew the future you

scabby shell,
golden heart,
things that kept our life apart
not the love, no no not that
just swords pulled from the sorting hat
the path that bends we know not where
I know that you'll be waiting there

I wish I knew the future you
I'd tell him what I'm going through
the journey on the other side
that for the moment I must hide

I wish I knew the future you
that lives in the same world
that holds my hand the whole way through
I wish I knew the future you

He passed that night his hand in hers
and left a quiet gentle word
and lights grow dim, and carry flame
a place the grants a newer name

And when my light is fading fast,
I'll throw away my weary past,
Look forward to that blessed day
that I'll fulfill the words I say:

"I wish I knew the future you"
at peace at last I finally do
for love has brought the circle round
and light it's greatest purpose found

for when I know the future you
I know exactly what we'll do
we'll laugh at all the loss and say
"I knew that I'd know you someday"

v-blog #7- sorry for the delay love you bye

2011-03-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

2011-03-13T21:39:00.001-07:00

v-blog to come... possible guest artist :)

It's just true...

2011-03-11T22:28:00.001-08:00

Conan O'Brien Kinetic Typography from Jacob Gilbreath on Vimeo.

Check this out. Conan's goodbye NBC speech. I LOVE the end. It's awesome.

V-blog #6- progress progress progress

2011-03-07T22:21:00.000-08:00

yeeea

Traveling....

2011-03-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

I need a bucket list that includes fun things. Broadway is on the bucket list... but sometimes I want to do other things ... hm...

ha ha!

V-Blog #5- Back in the City Ah!!

2011-02-27T20:05:00.000-08:00

Javier Cruz - Acoustic shtuff :)
- That's him on Mando, if I can get a link on his more recent work I'll send it your way. :)
+ a the DEMO we did this summer- he's on drums. Talk about talented. This is the work I did with Tim, my friend on the cruise ship- if you'd like to check out his blog go here :)

The Fading Point-

- Correction to my uninformed speaking (I need to be more prepared for these posts :S )
INFO: "The Fading Point is Southern Virginia University's premier acapella group. We provide an awe-inspiring vocal entertainment experience to the east coast region."

... not my favorite thumbnail choice for a video but- whatevs, there's more to life than avoiding looking awkward :S :)

Thanks for Watching, leave me a comment so I know who you is!!!

v-blog #4- a stinky week

2011-02-20T19:18:00.000-08:00

Here it is my lovelies, see you soon :)

V-blog #3 you be chillin with meee

2011-02-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

THANK YOU to everyone who took a peek last week, hope you continue to enjoy my weekly exploits. Feedback is always greatly appreciated :) Lots of love !

You Bred Raptors?

V-blog #2 yeea!

2011-02-06T17:22:00.000-08:00

Janelle Monae "Tightrope" - Seriously CHECK IT! My Anthem for this week :)

Paramore "The Only Exception"

The Civil Wars "Barton Hollow" - wow

V-blog #1!!

2011-02-01T22:07:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/imogenheap

http://www.ted.com/talks/seth_godin_on_sliced_bread.html

Fight, Struggle, Win, Fight

2011-02-01T10:27:00.000-08:00

Today is an OCD day- and that's ok. I'm gonna rock it. Nothing can kill me, or my resolve.

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

An artist must be prepared to be wrong.

Nowadays SAFE is more RISKY. RISKY is the idea that spreads. Ideas that spread WIN.

It's not all about winning- at least not all.

Listen to YOUR heart

Trust in the timing

stop- breathe- plan- ATTACK!

This is my time to be a warrior. :)

Vines

2010-12-16T21:15:00.001-08:00

I run around the city.
I don't "need" anyone,
I flirt with the bad guy at work
but that's just in good fun.
And when he's flirtin' back with me
our hands may barely touch
And then I'm in another place
that cuts me up so much

and there's your hand
holdin mine
and I can't breathe in deep
your kiss there on my palm
makes me will the car to stop
just to throw my arms around you

And then I remember

I walk back home at midnight
I message a good friend
Tell him, if it weren't for distance, we might be more
And before he even writes back
I'm thinking of that day
And wishin I could tell you
that there's nothing in the way

And we drive for miles,
just talking about music
and nothing big between us
but our bodies and the sky
and if I think real hard
and let it get real quiet
...
...
I can hear your laugh
and my chest breaks in half

Because I remember

Every night I pray that things will change,
and solvance come to light
with you and I right there
and all the moments turn from black to white
and playing songs
and chasing dreams
and laughing at the stupid things
and never ever fighting you
and friends for miles
our families too
windows
doors
a bike
a car
a small garage
a christmas star
and birthday candles on a plate
and all the food we ever ate
and time collides and spins around

I have to shove it in the ground
it's grown a vine around my heart
and just before the blossoms start
I cut them off
CUT THEM OFF!
They're not allowed
they're dangerous

is it better to bleed a little bit by bit
than uproot the organ after it
has infiltrated all that's grown

tomorrow it will start again
I'll handle it a little better then
and better after that I'm sure
and more and more and more and more
til finally I will not bleed,
but now, because I feel the need...

"I miss you,
I love you,
I want it all back,
I know I know
be well"

Dear Husband...

2010-12-11T12:11:00.000-08:00

I was watching The Prince of Egypt today. I love that movie. And two scenes touched my heart so much. First, Moses' vision of the burning bush. I love the rendition in this movie because the way God is portrayed is that of a being of power and authority, and then He finishes His message to Moses with great love and it looks like Moses is being engulfed in that love all around him. It's a visual component in the movie that represents the way it feels to have the Lord's arms around you. If you've never had that feeling I'm telling you, it's the best feeling you will ever feel. It's like a hug from your mom after not seeing her for months and months that starts in your heart and radiates through every part of you. And all you feel is joy. Some people cry when they feel it (usually girls and always me). And then you know it's real. You know God is REAL, because you feel it. If you seek that feeling, it'll come, I promise. You have to believe it will, and then it will.

The Second scene that got me is right after the first. Moses runs to his wife, full of excitement for the things he's just experienced. He tells her everything that's just happened. And it made me think of what that means to have a spouse, a life partner, a best friend... who knows. Who has felt those things, who wants to know and seeks to know God. That being of light. The source of goodness. The source of Joy. The portrayal of Moses' excitement reminded me of something I've always wanted to do but wondered if I would look back at it and think it was dumb. But I feel really inspired about it so I'm gonna go ahead.

Dear Husband,

Wherever you are today I hope you're well. If I have met you- what are you waiting for? If not, I'm looking forward to it. I want to have a good relationship, a real one where we talk about everything and work to find the happy mediums without compromising what we know is right. I want to give you all of myself, and feel like you're giving me all of yourself back. I want to be part of your relationship with God, and I want you to be part of mine. I want to have children with you and parent them equally. I want each of us to be individuals, and to find our ways in the world, and still stand side by side. I want to know that you are mine forever, and that no matter what happens we'll be together for eternity. I want to kneel accross the temple altar with you and make our great promise. I want to laugh with you, a lot, more than I do now. I want to know your family and have you know mine. I want to grow old with you and make fun of each others frailties, keeping in mind that we won't always have broken bodies. I want to pray with you morning and night, study the Lord's word with you, stand with you as a Father and Mother in Israel, teaching our children the beautiful things that have made our lives so happy. I love you. I miss you. I know you're special. Not too soon, not too late, it'll be just right. It won't be perfect, but I know we're gonna have a lot of fun. Until then, be wise, walk your path with strength, diligence, humility and a willingness to grow. Everything you need to know will be given to you little by little. Be patient with yourself. See you soon!

Love,
your wife,
Val

Christmas Cabaret... I love the Church

2010-12-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

Last night was my first performance in NEW YORK!! AH! Crazy. We had our Christmas Cabaret, it went really well and was really fun. I learned a lot of things from it. 1st that organization is SO IMPORTANT when you're making your own show (or when you're doing anything for that matter). 2nd, to trust myself onstage - I am entertaining... ha. That's sounds funny. 3rd- Meet everyone you can and have a great time doing it. 4th- AND MOST IMPORTANTLY- MARKETING IS KEY! We really didn't even fill up half the house... WHAT?! We had an awesome show and no one came. Why?? Here are some reasons I think we didn't fill it up and ways that we could avoid that problem in the future.

1- More than facebook. - taylor your marketing materials to a specific demographic and post them where that demographic will see them.

2- Images and marketing materials - rather than functioning on a "come because you're my friend" basis, focus marketing materials in a way that those who see those materials will A) want to be your friend and B) want to see your show regardless of whether they're your friend or not.

3-Lower cover charge cutting Production costs - We paid a director who did an AMAZING job. But if we could find someone with a lower rate, or direct it ourselves the cover charge would be more affordable for our audience, ensuring higher attendance. We could also try to find a cheaper venue that didn't require a drink minimum or 21 and up restrictions (rough in this town but maybe with some research...).

4- It was a Wednesday at 7. Nice that it was early, but not very many people could come and a weekend is better.

5- Confidence and Enthusiasm for a) your venue and b) YOUR SHOW!!! There's a big difference between "hey I'm in a show it's like got me in it. It's not a big deal. It's like a lot of money to get in and you have to buy drinks. Ya I know, that's ok if you can't make it. I'll be in other things later," and "Hey guess what I'm in a show. I'm really excited for it, I've totally enjoyed putting it together. It's a $15 cover and a 2 drink minimum at an amazing venue called the AWESOME. I'd really love it if you would come. Here's a postcard with a link to our "sneak peak". So-and-so said they were going.... blah blah blah... amazing....fun...woo hoo!" If you're not excited about it why should they be?

6- GO TO OTHER PEOPLE'S SHOWS!! - This one could be the biggest of all. This is the one that I require the most improvement in, which is exciting because that means I'll be going to see more awesomeness. When you support someone and invest in their work, they are much more likely to invest in yours.

I've been a little "rusty" on the spiritual side lately. The last few days I've been running around and not really had a second to sit and read my scriptures the way I like to and not praying as often as I usually do. But today I got up and read and prayed. I opened up my conference Ensign Magezine and as soon as I started reading I immediately felt like a large weight was lifted off my chest, and like a light had been lit in my heart. And I recognized that feeling of peace and love and light and I thought "I LOVE the Church. I LOVE the gospel. I wouldn't give up feeling this feeling daily for ANYTHING." It feels so good!!

Then as I went running with my roommate Kristy, I felt it again, and I recognized the Spirit that she carries with her. I've been spending the last couple days with amazing people, people I love who have helped me through so many tough times, but the environments we were in didn't have the spirit, and some of the people we were around didn't have the Spirit. But Kristy has the spirit. Ideas of ways I could change for the better started to come more clearly to my head. I also had a lot more belief in myself that I could accomplish them. It also felt great to run, I actually think exercise and care for our bodies does amazing things for our Spirits and our Spirituality, not to mention how beautiful nature does the same and we were running in the one and only Central Park.

I thought again as we were running "I love being with people who have the Spirit, who have light. I LOVE the Church, I LOVE the Gospel. I freakin' LOVE being a Mormon!!! I love the feeling I feel when I read Conference, or the Book of Mormon, Or the Bible, or the Doctrine and Covenants. Or when I pray and get an answer. Or seeing my family do the same. EVERYONE SHOULD DO IT. EVERYONE I KNOW DESERVES TO BE THIS HAPPY."

So to everybody out there- I recommend highly the following:

Praying everyday about lots of things,
Reading the Scriptures and finding out for yourself if they're true by praying about them: the Bible, The BOOK OF MORMON (I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!), the Doctrine and Covenants.
Exercising regularly and eating good things :)
Sharing what you love with other people
Getting to knew Jesus yourself, and not just what everyone else says about Him.

I PROMISE, doing just one of these in addition to whatever else you do will boost your happiness. ESPECIALLY if you BELIEVE it will. Lots of love and all the BEST life has to offer
-Val

Louisa May Alcott

2010-11-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

Today was lovely.
I went to Boston last night for an audition at speakeasy for 'The Drowsy Chaperone'. Hopefully I'll get it and I can be back in that beautiful city for a few months. I love it there. I got all happy inside on the bus ride in. The audition was good. I felt like I rocked it to the best of my ability. Next time I want to be more prepared with the sides that I'm sent in advance. It was kind of a last minute thing that I had work off to go so, I didn't invest time in the sides early. But it was fun. There were a lot of BOCO kids there. It was funny to see them all. Show biz is competitive, but everyone loves each other all the same. It was good to see Paul. I was surprised at how grateful he was that I was there. When I first met him it was me being late to class.... :S not a great first impression. But we've been on good terms since then. I wonder if he remembers that.

Anywho, the audition was loads of fun and I felt good about it. It also rocked to see the one and only Nick Connell. I need to call him to help me put together a stellar NY Christmas tree- trimming party, similar to last year when I spent a long while making a really killer star out of pretzels and gold ribbon. GOOD TIMES.

Then I walked through Boston. I could have taken the train. But I knew exactly where I was and how to get where I was going and I wanted to see everything in between. I walked down Huntington St., through the Christian Science Center (if I were more thorough in my Blogging I would provide links but I'm sure you'll get over it, and you can always google what you care about :) ). I walked past the Bookstore and I have to say I nearly teared up. I love that place. Good friends, such good friends from that store (Shannon says she's coming to town this weekend!!!). They also had up a KILLA Christmas display that I definitely will be texting Frank about tomorrow morning. So impressed. Past the school, the fens, down the ramp to Com Ave, up a couple streets and into Katie's new home (she doesn't live with me anymore...crazy). We stayed up til 3. Talking. About everything. We haven't really REALLY talked in several months. I love her

Then when we woke up today she made pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon drops in them (like a chocolate chip but cinnamon = amazing). We took the train to Harvard square and puttered around Anthropology while we waited for Linsey to pick us up. I LOVE anthropology. It makes me want to be crafty... and a mom. I want to be crafty with my kids, like have a room for it, with several drawers of glitter and buttons. We each bought this little book called "I like you" it's so cute. If I were more patient I would type out all the words and send it to everyone who reads this blog as a special Thanksgiving gift. At first I thought I would save this little treasure for my husband and give it to him and some special point in our relationship, but then I decided that the words apply to any real, good relationship and it would be sad to limit all the goodness it has to offer to one relationship that hasn't begun (as far as I know :S).

Linsey got there and we drove to Louisa May Alcott's house. It was so special. She wrote Little Women. In that house. I was so touched by everything. We got up to May's room (Amy in the book). And her wallpaper was blue, that was her favorite color. She had painted on the walls. And there was a bright strip of blue the color of painter's tape around the ceiling. And what touched me about this strip of blue was that her sisters had painted it in her room as a birthday present one year because that was her favorite color. I started crying. I want that. I want to give someone a gift that's personal. Something that they could only get from someone that really knows them. There were a lot of things about the house that made me really happy. The simplicity of their lives then. I felt like my life was a big mess of things compared to theirs. It also made me miss my family like mad. I'm so excited to see them. There is no greater feeling than having all of us under one roof. That is heaven. I'm so glad I know that families can be together forever, SO GLAD. So Grateful ;).

I bought a souvenir from the gift shop. I copy of Mr. Alcott's Schedule for the girls. It's so excellent:

Morning
5- Rise, Bathe, Dress
6- Breakfast
7-Housewifery Recreations (chores) in care of Miss Foord

Forenoon
9-Studies with Mr. Lane
10 1/2 - Recreations
11- Studies with Father

Noon
12- Dinner
(apparently the term 'lunch' is a bit more modern than I thought)

Afternoon
1- Rest (nice eh?)
2- Sewing, Conversation and Reading with Miss Foord and Mother
4- Errands (chores) and Recreations

Evening
6- Supper, Recreation, Conversation, Music
8-
8 1/2- Bed

Virtues-
Vigilence, Punctuality, Perseverance, Prompt, Cheerful, Unquestioning, Obedience, Government of Temper, Hands, and Tongue, Gentle Manners, Motions, and Words. Work, Studies and Play distinct. No interchange of Labors (can't switch chores with someone)

Doesn't that sound quaint! I'm hanging it on my wall to remind myself of this day, the things that matter, and not to get too wrapped up in making a schedule that's so crazy.

We drove back and Kates and I stopped in the BU bookstore real quick to look at a book she's interested in. And consequently I found a book I'm interested in... really interested in actually. It's called 'A Year of Living the Bible as Literally as Possible'. It sounds fascinating and a couple of the pages I read WERE just that. I can't afford to buy it right now so Mom, here's a shameless Christmas Gift plug!

I slept on the bus ride back to NY, but I must say in the intermittent moments when I was awake, all I could think about were all the nice things that I wanted to do for people. I want to send everyone a Christmas Card that I made from scratch that has at least 3 inside jokes in it, forgive everyone, call and catch up... stuff like that :). I also have decided that this year I'm decorating my apartment for Christmas. I've never even had a baby tree because I always went home for a month during Christmas break. But this year I'll be spending a lot of Holiday Time in New York, so it's only right that I have a tree and some lights. I'd love a little nativity as well :). Maybe I'll make one out of something since I'm feeling crafty.

Today was amazing. God is so good. I'm so happy. Life is good. and yes, there are things I want that I don't have now, and that I'll never be able to have. But He keeps promising me that if I keep working hard, and doing my best I'll have all I need and even better :). And He hasn't lied to me yet so... I look forward to life. I also love all of you who commented on my last post. I could be cynical, but I won't so just... thanks for loving me and letting me know that you do.

xo
Val

a letter

2010-11-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

No one reads this anymore, so I figure I can write whatever I want without worrying about being liked (yes, it's true, I worry about being liked = dumb)

a letter to a friend on a cruise line:
Hello??
Are you alive?
This whole blog thing isn't really your forte is it?

But seriously how are you? Adjusting to paradise? Lots of rehearsals? Free food? Did you get a bike? Are you making friends? Are you glad you bought those shoes? Do you miss your family? I've been emailing Degan...he's awesome. I also got a lovely post from David on Facebook that I'm not sure how to respond to.... (awkward smile).
I had an audition this week too. Broadway version of Catch Me If You Can- I also had a callback, that I rocked, but I haven't heard anything (bad sign? it's been over 24 hours...no se). Work is good. My room is messy. I've been getting to some dance classes too. So what's the show like that you're doing? Are you taking lots of pictures :):):). Your key board says hi. I'm gonna name it... is it male or female? I'm thinking male- thoughts? Or you could go half and half and call it Taylor... or something. You'll also be happy to know that I have made a firm commitment to never treat your keyboard like a shelf (except for sheet music that I'm playing right then). I'm very proud of this decision and my ability so far to keep to that commitment. It's a clear sign to me that I will be able excel in other areas of my life that I'd like to be more self disciplined about (namely, eating healthy, regularly working out, brushing and flossing my teeth.....I'm realizing there are more than seems reasonable so I'll stop naming them now). I saw that you posted something on facebook and I MISSED YOU BY NINE MINUTES ... so disappointed in my own tardiness. I got a text from Marty too. I haven't responded yet but I think we're gonna get together for some laughs and hopefully some awesome tunes. Don't forget to send me all that stuff (charts... I swear there was something else I'll think of it and bombard your inbox :D ). I haven't talked to Javier for AGES and I'm still hoping to get his help on a website. But what I've been thinking about a lot lately is that when I expect to do something with someone elses help, it doesn't happen. So...I may just buy a book on design and coding and do it myself. Not that other people aren't willing to help I'm just not willing to bug them about it enough to make it happen. I just don't like bugging people. I'm installing Gchat video. (I remembered!! I need Jesse's number so I can give him his book). I've been writing some too. I like it. I need to create things. O! Paul Daighneault also invited me to audition for something, so I may be in Boston next week. I'm working a double on Thanksgiving, which is slightly lame but good that I'll be able to pay rent for December. The ward out here is nice........I don't really know anyone yet. I don't see them except for that one day and then an hour at FHE, which I love, but it's not enough time to really meet people. My bishop is so awesome though. I had a meeting with him just to chat...he's better for me than my last bishop. My last bishop was an awesome amazing man and we are very dear friends still, but he did NOT understand me, and I probably didn't understand him very well either, even though I secretly think I've got him figured out. I also decided to get a new counselor, a mormon this time...not that that matters really, but it would be nice if I could talk to someone about my relationship with God and whether or not I'm being obsessive.........you talked to me a lot about that .... do you think I'm obsessive in that area. My guess is that you'd say yes... but I don't know. Degan and I discussed your absence, I loved what he said:

I miss Tim, he is a swell guy to have around. I guess
it really was quite selfish of us, as land dwellers, to reserve him
for ourselves on just 29% of the world's surface area. Think of how
the other 71% must feel!

I'm hoping he'll come see me in my cabaret on Dec. 8th (it's gonna be awesome!) so we can take a whole day and just talk (insert fall montage of the sun rising and setting behind a picturesque tableau of Degan and I on a park bench...philosophizing). I'm sure a whole day will not be available (unless I request it off ... hm) but it would be nice. I think that's what heaven will be like for me (or at least part of it), just endless conversations with someone who's amazing to talk to. I'm trying to think if there's anything else to write you or ask you. .... hm... nope. Not for now.

unedited

2010-11-16T20:36:00.000-08:00

I reach my arms high
my crinkled limbs filling with energy and being stretched to full capacity
like a spider's leg zoomed in, slow motion

I drop my torso to the floor
the weight of my head
my hamstrings wince as I renew the flexibility that lives
in a body that once stretched beyond its current capacity

I look forward in the mirror
I look sideways in the mirror
there's is more of me than there once was
and I'm not upset
I'm beautiful
I accept the process ahead

the speed increases
I feel that familiar warmth
the warmth of a beat
of a verse
a chorus
a verse
a chorus
an arm to swing
a beat to hit
a line to stretch
the raspy feeling in my esophagus that reminds me of the joy it is to breathe quickly
and to sweat out the past and clean your insides

And always back to the music
music
music
music
music!!!!
HOW CAN I FEEL SO MUCH!?

It's amazing.
What is it?
Why is it that way?
Why do our hearts beat together when we hear a note?
Why do I love the dissonance of a suspension SO MUCH!
Or why is vocal rest so hard?
What makes me sing?
I know I always come back to God, but it's the biggest thing I can use to relate the physical, spiritual experience of music to.
It just testifies to me that we are MORE than we think
I am more than I think
and I touch that, when I listen,
when I sing
when I play
when I move
when I CREATE!!

Is that it?
Is it the creation?
Is that why art means so much to us?
To see the work of our own hands.

We are creators.
I am a creator.
I make things
I light fires,
I inspire tears,
feelings,
numbness,
I thank all the powers
and light
and energy
and universal love
goodness
pleasure

for that.

For the will
the inspiration
the tools
the ability
and the opportunity
to create.

2010-11-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

I'm writing a song about you that I started a long time ago. Someday I'll be able to sing it with out crying :)

Gratitude ...

2010-11-05T07:21:00.001-07:00

I'm listening to the Gratitude Talk by President Monson from the October Conference 2010. And i think about the feelings I have of the Savior, or the feelings I've had in the past. I wonder about one feeling, the feeling of His POWER- His power to teach. Sometimes when i read of His sermons to his disciples He sounds a little harsh, not so gentle as He is often described. And I wonder about the kindness in His behavior. HOW kind? HOW loving? Who can I compare Him to in my daily life??

And then experiences are brought to my mind, and I am reminded through these thoughts: Remember the healing of your heart. Remember his presence at your bedside. How He wiped your tears. how He held you and lifted the otherwise inescapable weight from your chest. The PEOPLE He's sent to you, the opportunities you've been given. THAT IS HIM, THAT IS HIS DOING.

And so I've learned, that through the scriptures we learn of and about Him, but it is in our hearts and our interaction with Him that we truly know Him. Just as any friend we meet in this life. We may know of them and about them by reading their facebook status, or hearing about their life from a mutual friend. But we truly come to know them when we spend time with them and feel of each other's love :). I'm so grateful to have had the experiences in my life that allow me to truly KNOW who He is, and the joy that I can feel as a result of that knowledge.

2010-10-21T17:09:00.001-07:00

blah blah blah
Do you ever have those nights where you had a great day and then you get home and there's no one there so you sit around being sort of depressed? This is probably a terrible way to start this post because I actually had, in fact, a wonderful day.

I woke up sort of late and went to institute at Lincoln Center. I love that area because the streets are really large making maximum sunlight a possibility, and then Lincoln Center has a big open area in front of it that is absolutely beautiful. Institute was nice. There are lots of moms that come to that one and bring their little babies and they always say "sorry she wrote on you...sorry she was noisy... sorry she ripped a page out of your journal..." but honestly I don't even care. I am so baby happy right now, I just loved having them do all those things to me. They could have eaten my sweater and I would have giggled. We had twin girls in there today. They were so great. I feel like calling kids cute isn't accurate. I find them to be more along the lines of fascinating. They're like little animals that run around and have no inhibitions at all.

So that was great

Then I didn't have anything I had to be to until three (I kept telling myself I should workout in the time- something I have mixed feelings about right now, or do laundry- that I hate doing. I don't like using the word hate but I have a really hard time getting this one to happen...it's and hour and a half of nothing at a laundramat= not my favorite, especially since I've been having some trouble finding a book that I really like that's not a self help guru book- suggestions please??). So I went in Barnes and Noble and I instantly felt much better about life. I just love the way it feels in there. I bought an s.h.g. book called 'A New Earth' be Eckhart Tolle. Supposed to be AMAZING (it's on Opera's book club list) and my friend Matt has been suggesting it to me. Then I wandered around the store for a while. That was nice.

Then I took the train home, and did something in my room....not clean it THAT'S for sure. I took a really long shower....so nice. I needed it. Then went to babysit. This was the best. I had so much fun with these kids. At first Delia was sort of trying to show off and being pouty- she's about in first grade, and I think sometimes at that age, little girls will be dramatic for new people because they somehow think it will be fun. It's not fun but I remember being like that a little bit (sometimes I still do it, what can I say, humans are weird). But then we went to the park for a little bit before Delia had class. We didn't get to play for very long but it's cool. Then we went back to the school for a class she's taking with her mom. So after dropping her off Benny and I went to play at the park some more.

I had all kinds of thoughts about what kind of mom I want to be. I was playing with the kids on the playground, and though I'm sure there will be many days when I'm a mom that I will be too tired or too pre-occupied to do that, I HOPE I will be active and play with them at lease most if not ALL the time. I played with Benny and when I'd first met him earlier his mom had said he was shy. So I told him we should try to make friends (which was a slightly selfish thought because I wanted him to have someone to play with so I could sit and read the book I'd gotten earlier- o how I contradict myself). So we walked around saying "Hi I'm Ben what's your name?" and then offering our hands for a high five. This went over pretty well, aside from the fact that he didn't really like to say any of that, just put his hand out. But for someone who's "shy" I think that was pretty darn amazing so I told him I thought so.

After attempting to become friends with all the other kids on the play ground I stood and watched Benny go down the twirly bars about a thousand times. And you know what I really really liked it. I had a great time. We talked a lot about random things I don't even remember what. But I love hanging out with kids because you always have something to offer, and something to give because there's just SO MUCH in the world that they don't know yet. And of course there's a lot in the world that adults don't know, but they still know a lot more than a 3 year old.

Then we went to pick up Delia from her class. She had some homework to do so I got to help her. It was great. I really enjoyed it. She was really good then too. No pouting, no being obstinate. She did her homework and I helped her. Then we played a game. And Benny wanted to play so we were on a team :) and he sat on my lap. Then when their mom came Delia invited me to dinner with them. We went to a corner pizza place and grabbed a slice. It's amazing how little kids hold on to details. Before actually going, Delia described this pizza place to me and what I was picturing was chucky-cheese in Cinderella's palace. She said there was a guy there who did magic and that they always went when their mom had class. And there WAS a guy there who did an invisible ball trick with a paper bag, but other than that it was just a corner pizza place. It just goes to show that life's what you make it (thank you Miley Cyrus).

Then I walked home through Central park...and it was beautiful. The air smells like fall now, and I walked through the Soccer fields and looked at the moon and the sky and I felt for a minute like I was back at Viewmont, in the field just watching the sky disappear. It was such a big open space. I loved it. And it's funny, sometimes I have those moments and I feel so close to God, like He's right there. And sometimes it feels like it's just beautiful all by itself.

Then I got to stop by the Chess tables and play a game. I lost again, but it took longer than the last time, and the guy I played said I was good for starting in August :). Then I ran home (partly because there was this guy who I guiltily gave my number to the other day that I am NOT INTERESTED IN AT ALL---- why??? Why do I do that to myself?????----who was walking up. It's really annoying cuz he lives in my neighborhood so I might have to avoid him for a little while before he gets it...:S I hope not). And then as soon as I got inside I knew things were going to be bad because no one was home and I was really hoping that people would be. I get sad when there's no one home. It's not so much that I always want to hang out and be with people, but I don't like being in a house by myself. I just don't. It feels weird and I can't function very well. I don't know why...

So then I was sad for a little while and started reading blogs...I miss utah. Argh...no more grass is greener crap. I want to LOVE my life and be happy... well...

I did make a decision I'm excited about. For my birthday I'm going to have a dinner and cook for people I love. I want to make my Aunt's special pumpkin soup and some carrot cake :) Doesn't that sound awesome!
Well I'm going to go read some scriptures and pray and stuff. I know that's what I need to do and this is just a form of putting it off right now...bye!

Allow

2010-10-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

I feel hard, inside
Scabbed and mean
I don't like the person I must be right now
I am impatient for my potential!!!

In every healing process,
there is a wall, a defense.
blood gathers at the vulnerable area
makes contact with outside elements,
the humidity, the softness leaves,
pulled out by the surrounding air,
And what's left is a wall
temporary
necessary
to protect the tender vulnerability beneath.
To destroy the wall only prolongs the process
and increases likelihood of scarring
you must not touch it
let it do its job

We talk so much of breaking walls,
So our hearts can be open to the ones we love.
but did you know a heart
between each beat that sends that vital fluid to each practical functioning organ,
it takes one beat for itself

A tree,
in times of turbulence
slows its growth
focusing on what is essential

the desire to be whole
is fulfilled in the living water
the flowing blood
the broken flesh

He is my wall
my only defense
in times of weakness I think to pick with an ax
to destroy the wall
to reach the past

the past is gone- I would be disappointed
He knows the outside better than I:
the vulnerable and tender center

And when I am ready
my wall will fall
no force required
just as a tree shedding bark
or a scab at the right moment
or a loose tooth when it's ready
or a baby breaking water
or a heart after a self sustaining beat

Consider the Lilies,
They toil not,
Neither do they spin

And neither shall I

more productive than I thought....

2010-09-30T19:50:00.000-07:00

Woke up late, my room gets NO sunlight, especially since I leave the blinds closed. Said a prayer in bed to get me past the dangerous dream- a dream of things I dare not hope for, being based on the choices of one other person, and God....and thus none of my business- and I was answered....Thank you! Talk to Kristy (roommate) call from Matt (friend from school) .

RUN! walk, stretch RUN! walk, stop,

Gaze at the reservoir, ponder on the power of pondering by a pond.

RUN

home, shower, cancel plans with Matt,
facebook,

clean the room...ai yai yai! (is that how you spell that?)
Before

After

nexr: cry for a little bit....heartbreak is so random, but it's timing is perfect.
more prayer, more answers :)

text from Uncle Tim :) "you're in town!? Do you eat?"

Look at the schedule...
pack
go
train.....argh.. I'm going to be late, but it's cool cuz it's for fun :)

50th street- call Uncle Tim...where are you? You can see me?? Walk which way? .... creepy...O THERE YOU ARE!!
Hugs, chats,

DINNER AT SAPPARO... delicious Japanese, I don't even remember what I ate, Pork Noodle thing... SO GOOD definitely Cleaned my plate

GREAT CONVERSATION... my experience in New York, how much I love Harlem, auditioning, the break up. "Why are you visiting New York?"- travel, client, PR work, all expenses paid (including this dinner ;);) ), advertising, market, audience- ad agencies that sign on to chat rooms/twitter/facebook and promote specific products POSED AS INDIVIDUALS......creepy? YES. Smart? YES.
Made me think twice about what I say on facebook/blog/in my bathroom (jk...sort of).

One of my favorite parts: explaining my most recent dillema (that I'm sort of excited about now). I have MANY skills that make me no money at this point. So... how can I fix that? It needs to be done but it takes planning. I need to organize it all so it makes sense. It's very complicated so I'll have to post about it another time, BUT, I finally sat with someone I trust and talked about the complications and got some positive feedback. It put me in a place that helped me to feel excited about the work that I can do on it :).

We talked about family (mom's arm, Kelly's wedding/ marriage life...bla bla) then he took me to an incredible sheet music store (the name escapes me) and I had to go to get to the temple but he stayed to get guitar music (as he does for EVERY business trip he he). He comes periodically to the city- I'll be seeing him again soon I'm sure. :)

The Temple was awesome... as always. I love thinking about the gift that is being given and received because it's the next step to Godliness and who knows how long they've been waiting. :)....I feel like my recent experiences have given me an understanding of just how POWERFUL the GIFT of the Holy Ghost is and how imperitive it is to having an amazing relationship with God.

Debated going to the folk are museum....no more saying next time or I won't do things!!! NO MORE. (it was probably closed but honestly just learning that about myself was worth the thought and extending resolution).

Home... cooking for tomorrow.

Bread for the neighbors (and to test the bread maker- last time we could all smell burning... :S). Rice, pack the lunch. Talk to Ingrid about rearranging the apartment (PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE)- we're planning for sunday to play around with it :)

Stayed up (too late!) blogging...

and impulsively cutting my hair...

:):S

Harlem Bell Tower

2010-09-26T20:14:00.000-07:00

I was walking home from church today in good 'ol Harlem (I LOVE IT!!!!!!) and there was a bell tower in a nearby church that was playing hymns, and not just one, or chiming the time, but playing full arrangements of hymns. And as I got closer to that church in might walk there was a point where I noticed all of the cluttery noise of the city dimmed out, and people were quiet, and cars were distant and the music was so beautiful. I noticed how each bell has a dissonant overtone, which brings to mind all the dissonance in happy times that makes life truly gorgeous.

I listened to the hymns and was reminded of a talk I was reading recently by Elder Packer about music in the church and how sometimes trained and tenured musicians who are members get bored of the repetition of the same hymns all the time and they would like to see new modern works performed in sacrament meetings (a discussion meant for another post at another time). What struck me from the talk in this particular instance was that I found myself wishing that I'd had the repetition of the hymns being played by this amazing bell tower so I could enjoy the music, not just for it's sound waves, but also for the meaning that comes with the lyrics to an inspired hymn.

I'm so grateful for music in my life and the beauty and peace and Spirit of the Lord that hymns bring to my soul. I have a friend who knows very little about our doctrine, and from the few conversations we've had about our beliefs often is confused by how things tie together, simply because he hasn't learned all the things in between and how the specific and different things we do relate directly to the Savior. BUT when he hears the Mormon Tabernacle Choir I know (even if he does not recognize it yet) that he feels the spirit.

Music is so important to me in my life and I'm so grateful for it. I hope I can use the incredible talents and gifts that the Lord has blessed me with to further His work and do His will. As I walked home today I couldn't stop smiling, because I know the Lord sent me that tender mercy of the Harlem bells :)

2010-09-26T14:25:00.001-07:00

The bells of harlem chapel, a tree full of loud sparrows, all the music of harlem. :)

Today...

2010-09-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

Today was full of beautiful things. I got up, earlier than my body wanted, and gathered up my two large bags of laundry (somehow this chore escapes my attention. It's not that I don't like doing it, it's really easy, I just tend to put it off because of the bag lugging, which is sill because the longer you wait the more you lug). Down around the corner we have a laundramat. $2.50 wash, 25 cents every 7 minutes to dry-generally $2.00.
Then I jumped on the subway (still wan to call it the T like boston), and rode off to work (yay Ruby's!)
Here's a picture of my job in times square. This is a google pic, so there's a target ad above our door now, but you get the idea

Worked at Ruby's ALL DAY - made lots of monies
I'm still poor. :) It's part of the beauty

Then I went straight to the RS Broadcast. And on my way there I was noticing people on the train. I've been thinking a lot lately about beauty and what it means and what makes someone beautiful. And I was noticing people on the train and everyone was so beautiful! Every shape and size and smell (except the ones that STANK!... jk jk). Then after the broadcast I was looking around still at all the women/girls at the meeting and every single one had so much light in her eyes and we were all dressed nicely, but modestly (meaning not extravagantly). And I really couldn't look at anyone and think they were anything other than totally gorgeous. It was a nice feeling. I felt like I loved them all. :) I like that

The broadcast was so good too. I loved all the speakers. I was reading my notes later on the subway, and people were asking me about it. It helped me realize too that I need own my own choices...meaning, I do things to make other people happy, so sometimes I neglect myself. Anyway, it was interesting to have people ask and then see their reaction when I said I was reading my notes from a church meeting I'd just come from. One guy "wanted to know more" but only wanted to talk about it over coffee, not with the missionaries or at church, or even look it up online....wa wa... "I'm flattered sir but I don't meet up for coffee with random drunk men I met on the subway." I may sill call him but I'll probably take a "boyfriend" just in case.

All in all, a great day :). Glad to be alive !

Break through

2010-09-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

today I made a breakthrough and though it may seem small it's a big deal to me and I want to write it down to look back upon and gain strength from.

I was upset.

I went to the kitchen (bad idea #1)

I climbed on the counter to open the "shared" cabinet.

I pulled out a very cute jar with all the dry ingredients to a batch of cookies.

I lit the oven.

I added the moist ingredients and mixed, adding salt and oatmeal.

Then I started eating (gross)

10 bites or so went by...

"this is my right as an upset woman!"

"I'm seriously going to regret this in dance class"

"I can have as much as I WANT!"

"That was sort of prideful"

"How would the Lord feel about this?"

...

...

chomp....

hm....

chomp........."this is disgusting"

"I know what I have to do"

I grabbed the 409

I sprayed the lump of evil disguised as deliciousness.

Then I spit on it,

Threw it in the trash,

and took the trash out to the street.

:)

I win.

.....I also threw out the rest of the sugar in the kitchen

... sorry roomies

...love you.

Scheduling...

2010-09-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

So sometimes I get a little crazy with my schedule and I create a picture perfect ideal layout of ways that I can do absolutely everything possible in one day.It looks sort of like this:

Which is pretty do-able actually but the big "wa- wa" is that I make the schedule and then...don't look at it ever again :) he he. SO since I'm home sick today I'm going to check out some articles on ways to schedule things and I've already found some awesomeness online.

This one is my favorite so far. I think step 6 is the one that gets me. I leave personal time open and then I don't know what to do with it because I don't DECIDE what I'm going to do. I'd like to make a 'to do in New York' list and focus on that but...all in good time. I don't have to do that today.

This one's pretty awesome too. In most of these there are just a couple steps that I completely ignore that lead to my down fall. In this particular article it's step five- "Take charge and control of your schedule. Learn to be flexible. Your personal schedule is not the Ten Commandments. You should regard it as a tool that helps make your time more productive and efficient and your life more enjoyable."

Read more: How to Make a Personal Schedule | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_6049395_make-personal-schedule.html#ixzz0yZQ59c6N

There's this other one that is pretty intense but I can't copy and paste the link because it immediately downloads, BUT I like it in a lot of ways. It does a step by step of how to the most important things first and then so on and so forth.

I've noticed I get really stressed out when I realize that I won't be able to do everything that I want to do. For example, I'm taking a road trip with Tim to Indiana next week and I'm WAY excited (we still have to figure out some MAJOR details like...where we're gonna sleep) but when I think about all the planning and packing and then routine things I like to do like workout, scriptures, practicing etc. I get stressed. (5 breaths Val, you got this. It's just life, and dangit it's fun).

I also don't do well in a lifestyle that has NO consistency whatsoever- which is pretty much what defines my life right now. Sometimes life is just one big curve ball...wow.

from Chase...

2010-09-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

I have a friend, his name's Chase. He's an amazing person who writes an amazing blog (it may be private so sorry if you can't access it). I was just reading his birthday post about his goals for the year. It always amazes me how attentive to detail he is. But it also made me think about goals and what they mean and something really big I've been struggling with for the last year or more.

I have a very firm testimony of the power of goals, as a source of motivation to accomplish the things in your life you most want to accomplish. I've seen goals completely change who I am and brought me closer to the woman I want to be. So why the frustration? For the last year or so, I've struggled to find focus and commitment in any goal. I'll decide that I want something and I'll truly WANT to have the patience and the commitment to live it out but somehow, in the process, I miss a day or "just this once" or something, and my obsession with perfection ruins the goal and I feel that I need to start all over. If I've messed it up this badly I should just wait until the next window of opportunity (say a Monday or the First of the Month) and decide it's ok to live in the old habit until I get a "fresh start". But that never yields progress, just an endless cycle of building, not the new desired habit, but the old comfortable one.

It seems like there was a time when I could change my behavior cold turkey, no exceptions. But maybe that 'seeming' isn't true. Maybe it always took me a while but I've selectively remembered only the happiness that came from the newly established habit, rather than the process that made the behavior habitual.

The other part that I know causes me problems, is that I have compartmentalized my life, quite well in fact: Theater, Music, Dance, Church, Work etc. And having gained such a great testimony of the power of goals, I naturally think 'wouldn't it be great if I could set a daily, weekly, and monthly goal in each compartment!? I'd grow so quickly and have purpose in everything I do.' There are a few problems with that 1- It's not realistic, there are too many goals to keep track of and 2- If I'm struggling with the focus and commitment I mentioned earlier, in that many areas, that's some MAJOR FAILURE I'm setting myself up for.

So for the last while I've been avoiding goals. Because it's a mess. Often when I sit down to try to set some goal I'm overwhelmed by the prospect of failure, and don't trust myself to choose something realistic. It's frustrating. But I DO want to start setting some goals. Goals to change my diet and exercise (always a rough one for us all), my social interaction ( I DON'T get out enough), my spending habits, my scripture study consistency, I'd like to read more, to cook more, get a bike, go on road trips, do FUN THINGS, TRAVEL! There are a million things that I want to do and change, but I don't know where to start.

I'm so inspired by people's stories, and I do recognize the amazing opportunities and blessings that I have in my life right now... but I'm wondering if anyone has thoughts on this particular matter, or if you've struggled with this sort of thing before, I could really use some thoughts and guidance.

But even just writing this out has helped me see what the problem is...first step to finding a solution :).

Ellen and her MISSION CALL! / being sick :S wa wa

2010-09-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. Blogging really falls off my radar, especially when I'm trying to do everything at once. I have a tendency to do that.

I've been sick the last couple of days. Being sick is so consuming. I think the best part about it though has been seeing who jumps in and wants to be there for you. My trainer at work was so nice about giving me the days off. Tim has been especially accommodating of my moody-ness and needy-ness. Of course my family has been really loving too, helping me feel better when I call them about how "sad" my life has suddenly become (thanks Em for helping me count my blessings :) LOVE YOU!!). And I have to say my roommates were SO Christ-like and amazing. First Ingrid spent an hour and half scouring the internet for every get-better-remedy there was, Julie immediately ran to the store to find the ingredients for said remedies, Kristi gave me lovely hugs, Courtney keeps checking in and Erin (as always) just helped me to laugh and be ok. I am so loved, it's amazing!

O and in other news....

ELL GOT HER MISSION CALL!!!!!
She's going to ARGENTINA!!!!

We all got to watch her open her call on Wednesday night :). She'll be such an amazing missionary! I'm so excited for her to serve the Lord. Just after she opened her call, I watched everyone giving her hugs and congratulating her, and I just wished I could be there to hug her myself. To tell her how much I look up to her amazing and brave choice to leave her worldly ambitions behind to just do the exhausting and difficult work that the Lord would have her do.

I really am so proud of her. That's not an easy decision to make. I know whenever I've thought about making that choice for myself I get concerned about the things I'm doing with my career and school and money and all those temporal things that you worry about. But honestly, I know that the Lord takes care of his missionaries. The Savior even said ( I was going to paraphrase but this scripture in its entirety is great):

Matt. 6-
25- Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; not yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat ad the body more than raiment?
26- Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
27-Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit to his stature?
28- And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not niether do they spin:
29-And Yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30-Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31-Therefore take no thought, saying , What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed
32- (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33- But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

There are a lot of AMAZING things in this scripture (and I apologize for any typos that I may have missed). But what stands out to me today is that when you put God first, He takes care of you. And though that doesn't mean you'll always be in a mansion with five full baths and a master bedroom on the first floor....you WILL have the things that you need. And you WILL have enough to enjoy life. So much of happiness is choice based.

Anyway,
Proud of the sis. Look up to her a lot. Go get 'em Sister Larsen. They're waiting and prepared for YOU to bring the GOOD NEWS- Christ has called a Prophet to the earth :). yay!

2010-06-17T10:08:00.001-07:00

You know you've been living in a city too long when you start thinking, ' I could have made that' as a pedestrian

Time to Get Serious

2010-06-04T05:49:00.001-07:00

ok

For the last year I have wanted to lose weight, and give up sugar for good. And for the last year I have really struggled to do so.
So
As a rather desperate attempt at proving to myself that I can live at the level of health I have always wanted to live at, I'm going to commit to a public journal of my health and fitness plan. I'm in drafting stages right now but I want it to be something everyone can read so I'm accountable to the world.

So...expect and encourage me to present a plan by Sunday evening. Thanks :) love you all!
-Val

2010-05-31T10:34:00.001-07:00

John williams makes me fly

2010-04-24T18:57:00.001-07:00

Today I could have killed a spider... but I didn't. He's happy outside :)

2010-04-09T21:30:00.001-07:00

It just occurred to me that one of the main points of life is to be happy. If you're not, change something

What I'm Missing Video!

2010-03-29T20:22:00.001-07:00

2010-03-18T09:58:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I get impressed with how east people walk, and I try to keep up, then it's awkward cuz they think i'm stalking them. . . And I guess I kind of am

2010-03-18T09:49:00.001-07:00

I put way too much baking soda in those pancakes. More jan please!

2010-03-18T05:38:00.001-07:00

Don't choose your pancake til you've cooked all the batter.

2010-03-10T06:48:00.001-08:00

I have to say, checking in with heavenly father on a super regular basis makes me reflexively happy. I can't control it. :)

2010-03-08T04:56:00.001-08:00

Things I love: my newest friends mark and gail. I really hit it off with this couple, and secretly want them to adopt me. Love you guys!

Health = physical happiness

2010-03-06T17:46:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking in the last couple days about happiness and our bodies. And I came accross this article in the New York Times.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/01/in-obesity-epidemic-whats-one-cookie/?ex=1283144400&en=943eb4260d1cb839&ei=5087&WT.mc_id=HL-D-I-NYT-MOD-MOD-M139-ROS-0310-HDR&WT.mc_ev=click

It's about childhood obesity theories and how little changes in our lifestyle could affect weight loss or weight gain, but ultimately big weight changes require big life changes due to the compensatory abilities that our bodies have.

Read the article it's short and good. But my main observation about it is that what I've noticed for myself is that when I focus on the adjustment of a habit rather than the out come of that adjustment, and the choice to change is motivated by a desire to do something that will make me happy, the adjustment is much easier, and the outcome happens naturally without me trying. For example if I focus on "get skinny get skinny get skinny" I'm not going to- I'll just be thinking about how fat I am and get depressed and have "the last cookie" before I "really kick it into gear and eat better"- except that last cookie starts calling out everyday until a week's gone by and I've had a sugar headache every night when I go to bed because I hate my body.

BUT if I focus on choosing to excercise and eat well because it makes me feel good and whole and I'm able to expend my energy and not feel guilty all the time, but feel balanced and well and RESTED...that weight is gone before you know it and I'm in a state of mind and health where I can emjoy it, and not resent all the good food I've been missing.

Being "healthy" is really just an adjective for having physical happiness. I like that. That's my new attitude about THAT. If you read this and see me on a regular basis, try to remind me of that :)

Spiritual thought for the day...

2010-03-04T09:14:00.000-08:00

I was studying my scriptures today and came accross Rev. 21:4 - it's about the Second Coming of Christ and the words are so beautiful:

4- God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Isn't that gorgeous?? I read it over a few times and started thinking about all the people I know who are so happy, through the gospel. They're clean and pure and joyous, and when things go wrong they're not embittered. They have hope for something better in the future and that hope makes things BETTER for the PRESENT. So my goal is to be more focused on the Savior and less focused on my career/work/romance/friends/auditions/ blah blah blah. Because all of those things have NO POINT. If I'm not able to enjoy them. And I KNOW I can enjoy them if I make Christ a PART of them. Because He is the epitome of LOVE, and UNDERSTANDING, and PEACE, and INTEGRITY, and HONESTY....and a million other traits that can be categorized as "good" BECAUSE THEY BRING LASTING JOY (not temporal happiness) TO THOSE WHO APPLY THEM

FOCUS ON FINDING HAPPINESS NOW. BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T FIND IT NOW YOUR PAST WILL BE FILLED WITH NONE BUT SAD MEMORIES, AND YOU WILL BE OUT OF PRACTICE FOR THE FUTURE.

Peace out homies. Love you!

2010-02-28T10:28:00.001-08:00

there's a point in each person's life where she recognizes the power of her desires and her choices.begin the journey from what you are, to what you want to be

2010-02-27T14:01:00.001-08:00

So I'm standing in harvard square and a man jogs by in running attire. . . And bare feet. It's also raining. my hero. Let's try harder to get back to nature K?

2010-02-27T08:13:00.001-08:00

Boston is beautiful today!

2010-02-26T17:58:00.001-08:00

there are some songs that are really good. . . And then you actually listen to the words. . and it's even better

2010-02-25T12:01:00.001-08:00

You know, preparation is like a poncho: If you have it, rain is actually really fun

2010-02-21T14:39:00.001-08:00

The days are getting longer :) today during sunday school the sun was setting when it's usually down already :) Yay sunshine!

2010-02-21T10:40:00.001-08:00

You can't make someone like you. And it's a mistake to try

2010-01-22T16:53:00.001-08:00

Things i love: mustard, honey, honey mustard

LDS FILM FESTIVAL!!

2010-01-12T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hey folks! For all of you who are going to be in Utah on the 23rd of January head out to the LDS Film Festival.

Our Short Film is in the competition and it would awesome to have people out there cheering it on. I also won't be able to make it because I'll be in Boston :(- so GO IN MY STEAD! You may see my parents there :).

Thanks for being there for me always! Love you all!!

2010-01-11T15:07:00.001-08:00

Today I transferred all my money out of my utah account. That's one more piece of the Umbillical. . . :( :) :s

Newest cut of the vid...

2010-01-07T19:21:00.001-08:00

New edit from kristal on Vimeo.

SHORT FILM MANIA!!

2009-12-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

FEEDBACK PLEASE
Hey everybody- I did this short film over Thanksgiving break and we need feedback on how well the story reads. So be brutally honest about what doesn't make sense and what you'd like to see in the story. We have quite a bit of footage to work with so... sky's the limit. ANY THING AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY YOU CAN'T OFFEND ME. We need your opinion! Thanks guys!!

http://vimeo.com/8163550

O and title help would be awesome. We've been thinking of :

'missing'
'sky turn(ed) violet'
'violet sky'
'what I'm missing'

megara...

2009-12-09T00:58:00.000-08:00

It's 4 am and just finished a major project that's due tomorrow (tempted to just stay up......not likely). While I was taking a "break" I looked up my megara's blog. She's my friend from the Utah place of happiness where fun, family, friends and love flow freely. Call me Dorothy- there's really no place like home. But Megan has a very specific humor that's possibly the most hilarious thing I've ever been blessed to have part of my life.

http://forthebrynne.blogspot.com/2008/06/still-hate-it.html

- This is her blog.
I love you megan come back from Thailand when you're done doing the Lord's work.

One thing (of the many) that I love about megan...actually no I'm going to list a whole ton:

-always looks cute
-gorgeous and knows it.
-doesn't act like it
-always funny...hands down
-taking pictures all the time
-super spiritual
-weird
-artsy
-That one time we had major bonding in your nasty mini-van...Talking about boy drama
-once She was a shrimp for halloween - she wore a light salmony-pink uni-tard with a big pillow/hood with eyeballs on her head.
-Did I mention gorgeous
and funny
and I miss her

That's my tiny shout out to Sister Sollis. I want her back in my life ... now. :(. But I'll have to wait

Thanks

2009-11-24T21:21:00.000-08:00

I'm so thank ful for the Lord. He sends me the right things at the right time. I'm so grateful to have known Him well enough in the past that I know I need to get to know Him again :). And I can hold on to that knowledge forever, no one can take it :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tuwid8_O8dk&feature=player_embedded

An apostle of the Lord

2009-11-03T11:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.lds.org/broadcast/ces/0,7341,395,00.html

Excellent video from one of the Lord's apostles- Deiter F. Uchtdorf. I believe this man knows and speaks the words of God! Enjoy!

2009-10-22T18:12:00.001-07:00

"you've gotta have a good soul. You live with yourself you know?" - Candice Brown

In response to an embarrassing story...

2009-10-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

Today the pricker…

Every day they poke me,
Little pricks on my knee,
My thigh,
The right one,
(My left is neglected)
prick prick Hold
prick prick Hold
prick prick Hold
every so often very tiny pricks
but mostly,
prick prick Hold
Across my belly
prick prick Hold
Up my sternum
prick prick Hold
to my forehead.
prick prick Hold- prick prick prick prick prick down the middle each day while the sun shines through my window making sliding patterns from my feet to my head,
And when the sun is gone…rest

In winter they squeak
Squprieak squprieak Hold
Squprieak squprieak Hold
One line chorus of squeaky pricks
I AM DIRTY ALWAYS
In winter.
Squprieak squprieak Hold
Squprieak squprieak Hold
I AM DIRTY ALWAYS
In winter.

Each night I am licked
Licked by two prickers
Prick prick SLIDE
Prick prick SLIDE
I AM clean for rest
The sun brings Squprieak squprieak Hold
The pricks are dirty,
I am patient.

TODAY!
prick prick Hold
prick prick Hold
all day, no different
and then….and then….and then…. and then….and then…. and then…. and then….
Prick prick Hold
Prick prick- STOP
And…
One of the prickers…
and then….
One of the prickers…
and then….
One of the prickers…
AND THEN…
One of the prickers LEAKED ON ME!!!
IT LEAKED AND DRIPPED OFF THE LEDGE
ON ME!
ON MY FACE!
ICKY WET WET WET
NOT like winter
Salty sticky wet wet WET.
I did NOT get licked
I did NOT get licked
I did NOT get licked

The LEAKY PRICKER pricked very fast to the outside pocket.
prick prick prick prick prick prick prick prick prick DOWN the Middle
And then…
The other prickers jiggled.
The other prickers jiggled.
They jiggled for a moment… and sang a strange song
and then….finally…
prick prick Hold
prick prick Hold

I did not feel the leaky pricker again.
BUT i SOAKED in it’s LEAK all DAY.
With both eyes closed.
That pricker is not welcome here.

-Valerie Larsen

Horoscopes anyone...??

2009-10-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'm working on something for class and I wonder if you could, not with any prior preparation, write a completely colloquial response to this question: How do zodiak signs and horoscopes affect us in our lives? What is your personal view and emot...ional response to the use of horoscopes to make decisions. it can be any length. You can say anything you want!!

2009-09-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

TICK

Days ticking by again…
It means a lot
And means nothing
Just a number on a life
Some way to catalogue the past
The present is this moment writing
The future, a pathless open void.

A landscape un-conquered
And unburdened
A vision of idealities and fear
And trust for some of us

Dates and dates,
Innumerable yet numbered.
Hours, minutes, seconds

We can look back in our journals,
Through heads
Dream up what the dead
Left on pages of their own
And also in the ground
And in the air
And in their bodies
Through their loins
And here we are
Ticking days and counting moments
The same same same same same same same

Why do we measure
Something that will not end?
For patience?
For remembrance?
For Self-Validation?
For our children? Yes perhaps.
To be remembered?
To be helpful? So the next can do it better?....better?
Then it’s progress? Yes perhaps.
Is there an answer? Yes. I’m sure.

We just don’t know it.
We are waiting.
We need patience for waiting.
We are learning to wait,

Happily.
Our souls are validated by the
TICK
The rhythm
TICK
Is destracting from our fear.
TICK
Is an anxious heart
That teeters
Right, Left,
Right, Left
Faith, Fear
Faith, Fear
Fear,
Faith……………………..That He will come

Valerie Larsen

2009-09-04T21:41:00.001-07:00

I'm writing a lot

I don't like school but I'm working on it

I want to be a better actress

I want to know that I'm good at things

I want to know that I'm doing the right thing

I want to share things, and be loved, and love.

I want to kiss someone...someone specific...and no I won't tell you who it is.

The point is...drive...desire to exist and create and inspire and exhale and ignite from the inside. To be.

I have things to do...so many. Gotta go

2009-08-31T07:43:00.001-07:00

SALSA PARTY. My house. 7 o'clock. Tuesday night. Bring your favorite chips/dip and we'll have a Pinata for geoff! See you there!

2009-08-14T20:46:00.001-07:00

I would love to be a songwriter. and everything else that has to do with art. . . I have time right? eternity is enough time to do everything we want. . . Right?

loves this website..

2009-08-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

So I kind of like this new website- if you're wondering about the variety of Raw food this website will BLOW YOUR MIND!!!

http://www.rawfoodcrafting.com/

Checks it outs!!

Thoughts anyone? Be honest...

2009-08-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

I get a daily email about parenting- because I like kids and knowing how to treat them I guess haha. But this is the one I got for today and I'm wondering what everyone honestly thinks. So give me your RESPONSES!

: Radical Honesty ::

Hiding the truth (from yourself and/or others) is a
constant energy drain. To free yourself from the
burden of secrets and lies, you must cultivate the
skill of radical honesty: willingness to reveal any
truth, no matter how "unacceptable" it is.

Withholding truth is such an integral part of our
culture that you probably don't notice when you're
doing it. So, for today, pay close attention to your
thoughts and expressions, and continually ask
yourself, "Am I being as honest as I could be
about that? Is there a deeper truth?"

Examples of "acceptable" dishonesty include saying
you're "fine" when you're not, and *not* saying how
you feel about the way your friend treats her child.

When you spot a white lie or withheld truth, notice
how it feels in your body -- the energy and effort
required to distort or ignore your true feelings.

Then imagine being radically honest -- telling it
exactly like it is. If you could be that honest *and*
keep your heart open, would you?

http://dailygroove.net/radical-honesty

2009-08-10T17:58:00.001-07:00

Sometimes i wish i didn't have to sleep so i could stay awake and watch night happen. I think for my graduation present to myself i'll camp for a month..Or 2:)

2009-08-09T19:38:00.000-07:00

Weekly review

Monday- work...wow...then amazing frizbee at FHE. My new best friend Morgan came :). She's not a member. She laughs all the time and is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen!

Tuesday- work...wow...my legs get really tired at work. Tuesday night I went to see "Julie and Julia"- new flick about food. Made me want to eat good food always. I have to admit it also made me want to be more healthy. There were a lot of shots of the characters taking tums and leaning over the bathroom sink uncomfortably. I liked yummy food, but I also like feeling yummy inside :).

Wednesday...work :) then a voice lesson where I got some good love from Marilyn. She's fabulous. She always reminds me what's important while pushing me to be better than my weaknesses. I've been struggling with practicing and being consistent. She said something that really stuck with me about the choice we make between the DISCIPLINE that it takes to practice everyday, and the REGRET or guilt we feel when we show up to a lesson poorly practiced. It reminded me of a great quote from a John Bytheway talk I heard once

"Discipline weighs ounces, while regret weighs tons."

So I'm doing much better now :)

Thursday...no work... a lot of getting things done. I went to teach with the Sisters :). My new friend Jeanne (pronounced Genie) who committed to obey all the commandments and keep the word of wisdom. woo hoo! I also tried to go to dance, got sidetracked by the T and met a really nice young man to whom I had the privilege to give a pass along card. We were talking about life and futures and he sort of asked why I wanted to get married soon and have 8 children. The dance class didn't work out so I went to yoga instead - loves. I LOVE yoga.

Friday... work again, shorter though. I practiced and stuff in the afternoon. I can't remember what I did that night and my planner shows nothing...hm. I probably just stayed home and got ready for saturday

Saturday- WALDEN POND!! We went as a ward...absolutely fabulous!! We swam, and ate and did some shakespeare magic. It was so fun. I'm really glad I finally got to see it. It's more like a lake.

Saturday night we had a baptism for Betty - she's the cutest girl. It was really wonderful. Sorry to peter out at the end of the post but I'm tired and I have to get up. That's all for now. Sunday was great- I think I might try raw food some more. The more I read and learn the less garbage I want in me. I posted a link to my facebook account for a sweet video my brother shared with me. Anyways. See you all later!! I'll be posting more little random things with my phone now :) peace and love!

2009-08-09T19:37:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone i can post from my cell phone now. Isn't that awesome!

This week (Last week of July, the ultimate summer month... I feel a change of season is near)

2009-08-02T18:58:00.001-07:00

What a great week, can't complain.

I worked a lot at the beginning of the week. FHE was a blast, we played outdoor games, two of my neighbors came. That was fun.

I did a lot of recording for friends projects. I was the solo vocalist for Tyson's school project, then did some background vocals for Mandi's album ("Rest Easy" - her site is under construction but soon she'll be a star!- she already is to me). That was really cool. When you all buy her album you can listen to me harmonizing on the title track :). I'm excited about being a part of these projects. It inspires me to write and work on my own album. It'll happen, I just have to believe (and work my butt off). Someday... someday.

I also left my phone at the studio (BUMMER!) and was subsequently emailing people all the time to get in contact. I got it back a couple days later only to find out the the pin pad didn't like me anymore. So I bought a new phone ($30 with a mail in rebate) ya..amazing to talk to the fam after 3 days without. They stabilize me :).

It was a good week. I learned a lot about loving yourself and enjoying the little things in the moment. I love my life, I love the Lord, I love being able to blog a lot :) and I hope I can keep it up during the school year. Love and miss you all in Utah, love and love you all in BOSTON!! yay for friends :). I will be sorrowful when this season of my life comes to a close- but for now, it's AMAZING!!!

Anxiety...

2009-08-02T18:15:00.000-07:00

One thing I've noticed about anxiety is that, for me, it's not so much of an attack but more of a slow, seeping leak that slowly escalates. It creeps in unnoticed, starts to whisper and then increases in volume until it's finally loud enough that you can identify it for what it really is and then kick it out with firm rebuke. Sometimes it looks like things that belong, sometimes it looks like people you love, but it's never true and it's never real. Only an evil simulation of something good. Kind of like Satan. But just like him, you can dismiss it with power when you trust in reality, and truth, and ultimately in God being who He says He is. :)

The bus

2009-07-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

I waved and screamed as he drove right by...

it was my own fault," I should have left ten minutes earlier" I grumbled as I tried to be grateful for this opportunity to grow. "I'll just walk the bus route until the next one comes" that way I'd feel like I was at least moving closer to my destination instead of sulkily getting hotter and sweatier on that 110 degree metal bench. I followed the CT2 bus stop signs like Gretl for bread crumbs, til finally the route forked and I had the similar epiphany she must have had when she and Hansel realized that bread is really attractive to the surrounding wildlife. I had lost my route

I turned "gratefully" around to head back to the last stop, and as I crossed the bridge one more time, there came the entire loaf- the CT2 crossing my bridge, and nothing I could do about it. "Luckily I have my phone! I can call Tyson and tell him I'll be late".....o right, I left it at Ryan's last night...I'm so grateful. I think I'll just sit here on the bridge and be GRATEFUL for a minute.

Needless to say I was an hour late to Tyson's house - after getting OFF at the wrong stop and having to ask a stranger to use the GPS on his phone to find walking directions (he was one of those "save the children" people=not creepy) Hahaha. I obnoxiously rang the doorbell until his roommate answered (no phone remember?) Tyson wasn't home so I played on his ginormous computer for an hour, while emailing people with iphones who could call or text Tyson to clear things up. I eventually found out he wasn't coming back home so I finished checking my email, drank some of his grape juice and left him a note ( he has since informed me I misspelled "huge nerd"- I guess he's a sucker for "hug"s now).

LONG story short: I went a long way to check my email- but I sincerely am grateful. I always pray for the bus to come so I can be on time, so this really was just someone's joking way of telling me He wants to talk more. Tyson said he will pick me up in a car tomorrow...yay. But for the record, I know EXACTLY how to get to his house now.

Unknown followers..

2009-07-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have people comment on your blog that you've never met? And do you find such attention flattering, or creepy?

Auditions, Decisions, Trust and Faith :)

2009-07-26T06:21:00.000-07:00

This week was pretty good. Started with working hard, a little Family Home evening where we played woofel ball-( a favorite childhood past time. Nothing like some good woofel ball in the back yard with my siblings. We kept losing the ball over the fence, but the neighbor kids conveniently kicked down a few boards to solve that problem. I'm sure we helped in that endeavor but I don't specifically remember that. But it was a well established pathway. Eventually our mothers gave into the idea and consented to concrete slabs by the hole that gave it legitimacy as entrance- good times, good memories).

In the middle of the week I got an audition at A.R.T. for a 70s disco show called The Donkey Show. A.R.T. is kind of a big deal and the director has an amazing resume so I was way excited. I was supposed to go to New York right after with some friends from the ward. But while auditioning they liked me enough to all but beg me not to go (awesome right???). I consented to stay, planning to catch a bus to New York the next day and meet up with friends then. As I thought about the show and everything I had learned about it, I knew it wasn't an appropriate choice for me. It was scantily costumed, the content was centered and drugs and other badness, and I thought I might pull out of the callback. But after some thought and prayer, I felt good about at least being seen by Diane Paulus, the Tony- award- winning artistic director (right? check out her resume she's amazing. She brought her little girls to the call back too- ADORABLE)

So I went the next day, and it went really really well. They were auditioning me as a swing, so I basically got to showcase a lot of work for them. I sang, I danced a lot, and they had me improv A LOT which was really fun. I enjoyed the callback immensely. I also got to meet and catch up with a lot of great performers from the area, which was fun. Afterwards there was an interview. This was the nerve racking part, I needed to tell them I couldn't do it for moral reasons, which I hoped they would understand.

So in the interview Allegra (assistant Director) told me more about the show, and all the new info confirmed my feelings that it wasn't the right thing for me. And when I finally told her about being conservative and not being comfortable with some of these things, she reacted so well. She said it didn't mess up future opportunities, it was great that I knew my world, they were sad to lose me in the production (not that they were necessarily offering me anything but still). In short she was very complimentary and said future opportunities would be great for me.

I went that night to the production they were showing of Aurelia's Oratorio- which was SO GOOD. It was clever and witty and fabulous. I would recommend it to anyone. It was also totally clean which was a great contrast to the audition I'd just come from. :). I got to see a lot of wholesome entertainment this week, which always buoys me up.

So I left feeling great about it. And I have to give credit to the Lord. I was going to chicken out and go to New York, but He helped me feel good about at least going to the callback. Who knows what will happen now, but I'm really grateful for His help this week, with EVERYTHING. I'm so blessed with love, family, friends, an amazing body that is somehow full of talent that I don't deserve. I love Him for His gifts. He is good and great!

BEACH BOYS, cooking and relationships

2009-07-25T20:56:00.001-07:00

Tonight I heard the Beach Boys play totally live in person. It was awesome. The night was perfect too. Perfect temperature, nice little breeze, I was chillin with my sweet neighbors from Apt. 25 next door- they're so funny and amazing. After the concert we all walked back by the river, then Alex gave me a lime so I wouldn't have to buy one. Which was really nice of her and makes us better friends now.

Tomorrow there's a potluck after church I'm taking potato wedges to :). I found a recipe online for pepper lime pototato wedges, supposedly it's the way they do potatoes in New Zealand...cool right? I'm gonna give it a try. I really like the website I got it off of. It's a blog where the girl writes about her life experiences and includes a cool healthy recipe at the end of each post. Then she has all the recipes catalogued by name or ingredient on the side. She's also a fabulous photographer, so all the stuff she does looks amazing, and all the food she cooks looks even better. But what I really like about it is she talks about living experiences. Moments w/people, doing things that bring them closer together. That's what it's all about.

I was inspired by it. So instead of going grocery shopping tonight, I went to the Beach Boys with my neighbors. Because Relationships are what matter. Relationships are the reason we do everything else that we do. LIke work for example- we work to make money, so we can support our families, so we can all stay alive and be together. Life is about BEING TOGETHER. And that's what I learned today. :). I sure love life. It's wonderful.

O here's the link to that blog I told you about:

http://www.101cookbooks.com/about/

And the recipe for the Potatoes ;)-

Black Pepper and Lime Oven Fries

1 1/2 pounds small potatoes, cut into wedges
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
sea salt
freshly ground pepper
1 lime
1/3 cup Parmesan cheese, grated

Preheat oven to 375, oven racks in the middle.

In a medium bowl toss the potato wedges with the olive oil, a few big pinches of sea salt and five or six cranks of the pepper grinder. Arrange the potatoes cut side down on a baking sheet. Place in the oven for 30-35 minutes, tossing the potatoes with a metal spatula half way through.

While the potatoes are baking, zest the lime and cut it into a few wedges.

When the potatoes are cooked through, remove them from the oven, taste, and adjust the seasoning. Add more salt and pepper to taste (don't skimp on the pepper!). Serve in a big shallow bowl, or on a platter, drizzled with lime juice and dusted with the lime zest and Parmesan.

Serves 4 - 6.

not vegan, not vegetarian, NOT RAW...

2009-07-25T14:27:00.001-07:00

So I've recently been trying out several different diets as you can see by the post title, and I've officially decided today that I do not want to be vegan, I do not want to be vegetarian, and I do not want to be Raw. I think all of these diets are good things for the right people, and I support animal rights, but my gassy stomach says "this is unbalanced- you need balance". So without blaming vegan, vegetarian or rawness for my unbalance I fondly bid all of them farewell (for now). Maybe later my body will like them better.

I'm going shopping right NOW.

and I"m getting some cooked bread, real cheese, some tuna, and a cake mix. Ta ta!

voting with out telling...

2009-06-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

gasp* who else voted on my poll???

Sorry Grateful

2009-06-27T19:15:00.000-07:00

So this week...has been...crazy. There's this great song from the musical "Company" called "sorry/grateful". In the musical that phrase is talking about the decision to get married, but thats not really what I'm talking about. Hopefully when I get married I'll have dated so many sorries that there will only be room for grateful- but what do I know, I'm the ultimate short -relationship-still-single QUEEN.

Anyway, that's how I'm feeling today. Sorry grateful. Something really really exciting suddenly fell through. My initial reaction was "what?!" which glided into "I knew it!" which became "I can live with that" on to "wow, I feel free again" and finally "this is absolutely right- I feel good about this." Isn't that something. You can be totally floored and totally at peace at the same time.

I've learned this week that we are very complicated things. We have all these separate systems that are made up of smaller separate systems and down and down. And when the systems mess with each other, or one of them doesn't work right, all the other ones have to be really on top of their game to keep up and keep us from geting all muddy, messy and lost. I'm sorry that cleaning up messes is hard to do, but I'm grateful for messes, and the growth that comes from cleaning them up.

I think the positive approach will be best. To be patient and have fun and not worry. Easy to write, hard to do. But that's why it's worth it. It wouldn't be growing if it weren't hard. thanks everyone for being there ALWAYS!! I have amazing people in my life. Special thanks to Creed, Ben, Rachel, Daddy and Heavenly Father and my Savior. Somehow they get me through it all. :). Mostly by sending me the perfect person at the perfect time. :) It's great.

A thought for today :)

2009-05-28T18:03:00.000-07:00

No matter your circumstances fill your life with things you love.

Donut

2009-05-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

"Dad, I tend to do a lot better when I can have a donut"

-Mary Peggy Thompson (4 yrs. old)

Organized religion and Spirituality

2009-05-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

Today on the train, after a long AMAZING picnic at a Professor's house, some classmates and I started talking a little bit about spirituality and the cons of organized religion. I had to get off before the conversation had finished :( and I wanted to put a couple of thoughts out there to the world about the God that I have come to know and love, both in my individual pursuits in spiritual progression, and also in my understanding of the pros and cons of organized religion, and how the two coincide and benefit each other. In expressing these ideas, beliefs and opinions it is not my intention to disregard anyone else's thoughts or opinions, but merely to clarify my own.

First, spirituality. I don't know what the word means in terms of the conversation I mentioned earlier- I think it means a lot of things to a lot of people. For this note I've interpreted it to mean having a living relationship with something or someone greater than yourself, and continually striving to strengthen that relationship and become ONE with that greater thing. In my case that means building a strong, living relationship with God, my literal Heavenly Father, and by striving to become more like Him become one with Him.

Second, Organized religion. There are many arguments that come against organized religion. I don't want to discount any of them or argue them- I'll never "win" nor is that my objective. In fact I have some problems with organized religion myself. So how is it that I devoutly attend church each week, pay a tithe (10% of my earnings), teach sunday school, go to scripture study classes etc etc etc? I'll tell you some reasons:

1- I know for myself through hours of study and prayer and a spiritual witness from the Holy Ghost in my mind and heart that God is my Heavenly Father, and that He sent His Son to suffer every pain and affliction I feel, give me peace and help whenever I ask for it (anytime, everytime), and to enable me to return to live with my Father someday. I don't obey God out of fear, I obey Him out of love for Him and a sincere desire to live with Him again.

2-I know for myself...that Christ's teachings are truth, and that they bring happiness, and He ORGANIZED a group of twelve men to teach of His Father and to come unto Christ that they may be brought unto the eternal well of LOVE that He can offer.

3- I know for myself... that that organization was lost for hundreds of years- the fundamentals were shifted, re-organized a million different ways by men, so that they became a thing of men and no longer of God. But I also know that when the world was ready a loving Heavenly Father restored that organization to a Prophet, Joseph Smith, in the early 1800s, and through instruction from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ organized the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The principles of the organization are perfect, though the men and women striving to uphold those principles are far from perfect.

My connection between spirituality and organized religion thus follows: because every spiritual truth I have gained testifies of a God who loves me infinitely, I am fully convicted in doing what He asks of me. Organized religion in my life has brought me greater opportunities to be taught of Him, and take those teachings to my knees and find out...for myself...if what I have been taught is truth. I am taught through a prophet, through scripture, through sunday school teachers, through discussions with close friends. I am also taught by professors, classmates, textbooks, THEATER, my family, good books, and countless other things. What COUNTS is that I don't have to take anyone else's word for it. I can ask God, and if I have faith that He'll answer, He will. Everything I question comes from everything. Everything I know, without doubt, has been confirmed by God.

In closing, I'd say that spirituality comes first, and organized religion serves to increase and magnify it. If you are converted to a culture, you will not be fulfilled. If you are converted to true principles, you will be led to fulfillment. I testify to all of you seeking that as you continue seek with a firm faith that you will find truth, you WILL FIND IT. I testify that God loves you no matter what. There is NOTHING you could EVER DO that would stop Him from trying to be a part of your life. He will never force His way in, He respects your choices, but He's always waiting at the door if you want to let Him in.

Thanks for reading the whole thing. I love listening and talking any ideas on religion or spirituality or atheism or whatever. I'd love to hear anyone else's personal experience, good or bad. Share your thoughts! Love you all!!

-Val

the dailies

2009-04-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Amazing thing #1: I saw a woodpecker today.

Amazing thing #2: I HEARD him FIRST!

Amazing thing #3: He was in a tree on MY street.

Most amazing: I might see him/hear him again TOMORROW!

No endings...

2009-04-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to Colors right now..(hehe so great!!) and thinking about my friends from high school and how much I love them and miss them and miss being able to drive to their houses and be with them whenever I wanted. And someday I'll feel the same way about my friends here in Boston. But (as I looked nostalgically out my city window) I know that life is eternal and that we're all brothers and sisters. And really, there's no such thing as goodbye forever. Even the people we have huge falling outs or break ups or it's just not right for us to be friends right now- SOMEDAY all that will smooth itself out and we'll all be perfectly loving and happy and have the capacity to be infinitely close to an infinite amount of spirits- and this is the phrase that comes to mind:

There are no beginnings and no ends- only seasons.

I had a season of high school friends, I have a season of Boston friends, I'll have seasons for the rest of my life... and when this one's over I'll have more. And every spirit matters, and someday I'll be able to combine those "seasons of love" and that's why it's called heaven. Relationships are the most important and joyous thing we have- sigh. I love you.

Funny pictures

2009-04-26T06:51:00.000-07:00

I found this fabulous picture in my iphoto. I've never been there for any of my nieces or nephews births, and my family always sends me pictures. This is the only picture they sent me when my last niece Kinzley was born a little over a year ago. I love Eric's face and how scowly Kinzley is hahaha. I love you guys a million billion zillion!

Keep it up!

2009-04-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

SO I took some pictures of my laptop a while ago, with every intention blogging this story.

When I got back to school after Christmas break, I was on my way out of a slump that I'd been going through the semester before. Not just any slump- a really tuffy. Anyway, one day I was feeling particularly discouraged and I was on my computer and I shut it really quickly to go do some other things. And when I shut it I looked down at the colored stickers on the back

The stickers were put there by my niece, Sarah, while I was home for Christmas (She's inappropriately cute)

As I looked at the stickers I got so happy! One in particular stuck out to me

I felt so loved and all the things I was worrying about seemed so stupid and petty. I'm so grateful for family. I'm going to miss them this summer :(. But they are always in my heart. And I know that Heavenly Father sends us children to remind us what is important, and that He loves us and wants us to Keep Doing Our Best, and to enjoy every minute of life. Everything is going to work out- because He's in charge. Sigh* what a relief.

Always...

2009-04-16T20:05:00.000-07:00

Never let your education of something stop you from actually doing it.

Never let the knowledge that someone else could do it better stop you from creating.

Never let someone's opinion of your work stop you from trying again.

Never give Satan a vote for your self esteem.

Never forget to give God the credit He deserves.

Never be less than what know you are.

Always do your best, no matter what.

So i think it's art....

2009-04-15T11:46:00.000-07:00

The question remains, whether or not you think it's good or means anything to you. What do YOU think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayPw-Ytr1Ys

Copy and paste that link and try to be patient with this video. Instead of discarding it as crap before the first two minutes are over, see if you can find anything meaningful in it. Post your response- no matter what it is ;). I'm excited

College student OCD.

2009-04-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about thinking
And how things fit
And how we all accomplish "it"
And "it" is so important that the thinking happens first
and then I make a plan for when and where
and cast on "it" quite scheduled care
And think about the thought out plan

And when the time comes to execute
I'm all thought out and frankly, pooped.
I have a whole new "it" in mind,
I'm thinking of and making time
to get "it" in the other "its"
and making sure that each "it" fits.
Each colored bubble has it's time
and place
and shade
and journal,
thank you note,
parade!
Then finally when my planning's done
I've missed the "its"
Every single one.
Which gets me thinking...

...help

beautiful poem I found :)

2009-02-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

I was going through an old journal of mine and I found this awesome poem I wrote this summer. It's a gem about waiting for the sweetest dream you've ever had and the joy and pain of waiting for that dream. Hope you enjoy!

Come Sweet Dream-

Come sweet Dream,
I wait I grow,
For you sweet Dream.
The seasons flow and time is slow
To bring me close to you
To life,
To love,
And so I wait in pregnant patience.
Come sweet dream

Arrive flowing stream.
Arrive! Arrive!!
At what?
To what end do you run?
At every finish you have begun.
You have all the time you will ever need
To learn to wait.
Patience little stream

Wait,
Wait my friend.
I’m not ready for the slow ascend
To dependence on two instead of one.
The climb is potential fall.
After all,
A vantage so small would not extend
Beyond its immediate fate.
Wait. Wait.

Come sweet dream.
I trust,
I know.
You come, though slow.
You come

Valerie Larsen, 7/2/08

Fast Sunday and my testimony :)

2009-02-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

Happy Sabbath!
I love Sundays. Especially FAST SUNDAY! I love fasting for many many reasons. First, that you have a constant reminder all day of the fact that you are sacrificing something for the Lord. Second, that hunger feeling helps you to remember the specific thing that you've decided to fast for. Third, it's reminder of both those things that helps you to recognize other things in your life that you'd like to change. Fourth, it brings unity to all church members- we all have a shared experience of giving something up to the Lord together. Fifth, the fast offering not only brings you promised blessings of joy in helping others, but also brings sustenance to those in need. What a wonderful gift of service. And sixth- probably my favorite- you have the opportunity to hear and bear testimony. What a blessing to have the opportunity to profess those things nearest and dearest to each of our hearts once a month.

Being that today is fast sunday I'd like to bear my testimony to all who read this blog:

I know that God is real. That he's is my Father. That He loves me and each and every one of us perfectly. That He does not compare us to one another nor base His love for us on anything we do or say, but rather our actions determine whether or not we can FEEL that love. His arms are always always always always open to us. I know that He keeps His promises, and that when we keep our promises to Him He will bless us one hundred fold.

I know that Satan is real. That everything he ever does, says, or offers to us is a lie and will ONLY BRING US SORROW. His promises are twisted, warped versions of the real thing, "shortcuts" to nowhere. He is cunning and EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. We must be watching always and doing all we can to live in the light, that his darkness may not over take us- for darkness is only the absence of light and has no power over it.

I know that Christ lives. That His light is brighter and more powerful than any other force. Through Him, and ONLY through Him can we return to live with our Heavenly Father someday. yay!! What a glorious opportunity. I know He suffered for my sins, my pains, my heartache, my loss and that He knows them perfectly. I know that He also knows my joys, my achievements, my moments of peace (granted by Him), and my longings fulfilled. In my gamut of experience He has experienced all and beyond, that He may be a part of each MOMENT of my life, as I choose to let Him in. He knows all things and is one with the Father. He has overcome the drudgery that life can be, the day to day messes that we so often feel, the temptations to mediocrity, the specific weaknesses that you and I fight to get past- He is already past, and stands on the other side offering His hand and lifeline that you and I can overcome also, to be with Him. He is my best friend. I need to make more room for Him always.

I know that His church is restored to the earth. That through revelation given to a prophet of God we may know and follow His will. And know that through the ordinances He has given us we may be made clean and commit to His work, recieve the Holy Ghost to be our companion, recieve the blessings of God's power on earth-the priesthood, recieve the blessings of the endowment, and be sealed to our loved ones, not just for this life, but for eternity (imagine Christmas break with the people you love most in your life, having a blast- FOR ETERNITY!!! sign me up). I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God and that we can get closer to Christ by reading it than any other book.

I know all these things by the spirit. After many hours of study, fasting and prayer I gained this knowledge- not because I earned it, not because I deserved it and not because I've done anything that makes me "more righteous" than anyone else. But because Heavenly Father has enough mercy, love and grace to GIVE it to me, as a gift of the spirit, as a burning in my bosom, as pure light to my mind, as a peace and comfort in heart and all consciousness. I know that I know it, and I know that God knows of my knowledge. I am accountable to share these things, and blessed to share these things. I pray that as I open my mouth that He may fill it, and that He will use me as an instrument in the blessing, loving and of bringing joy and happiness to others.

With love and affection for you all, I bear this testimony and stand as a witness of the truthfulness of these things, in and through the Holy Name of my Savior Jesus Christ, amen.

For more information on any of the things I've talked about, email me at lavie49@hotmail.com, or visit this website for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints- www.mormon.org

Love and kisses,
Have an amazing day!!

BROADWAY!!

2009-01-29T19:58:00.000-08:00

I totally tried out for Broadway today and the lady totally had me stay after and sing an extra song....AAAAHAHAHAHA!! It was amazing. I have to go to bed so I can't write anymore. But this is a momentous day-

Val's first B-way audition.....wow!!

xoxox- love you all!